You seem to spend most of life in transition, which is when all the interesting events and details are inclined to happen. We transition from a child to a teenager where we believe we know everything to mask our vast lacking of experience. Perhaps then if we are all honest the regression from teenager to student, where the potential to know and learn or experience is never fully reached as the competition between learning and experiencing destroys all chance of exploring one fully. Going from single to partnership, child to parent, adult to elder, we are constantly defining and redefining, analysing and altering the essence that is our individuality and idea of self. There never seems to be a long period of constancy where you just be, you are just who you are.
This has always troubled me, always going somewhere never just being still, never knowing exactly where I’ll end up once I have transitioned from my current state. Half the time I’m not even sure what my current state is. In many respects I always figured that once I knew who I was that was it. Apparently not, apparently identity is fluid and ever-changing, I like this idea, the ever evolving being, I’m just not sure I like it happening to me.
I ramble a lot, mainly when I’m trying to figure things out. Right now I’m just trying to figure out my life, I’m out of university with a degree, done with studying, trying to get the ‘dream job,’ the ‘dream house,’ the ‘dream life.’ It’s all much more complicated than books, films and parents would lead you to believe. I’m stuck in this utopia, this no place between what has been my youth and what I suppose is going to be my adulthood. Everyone I speak to appears to share this feeling of dread, none of us are sure where we are going, what we are going to do or where we are going to end up. We are standing on the verge of the abyss unable to see the opposite side, no idea what is on the other side let alone how we are going to get there. It seems we may have to jump, but I for one do not feel ready but I can’t go back and I can’t stay on the verge, I haven’t figured out how to fly yet and like many I have a considerable fear of falling.