My mum is doing a rather good impression of a dying swan and I’m sure I’d be more sympathetic if I didn’t feel like doing the same impression myself. I’m still struggling in to work which is a mistake because two of my co workers are at war and despite claiming to be Switzerland they are both desperately still trying to get me onside and increasing my head ache. Dad who debatable might be a help is in Berlin, at one point I knew why, but now it has been lost in the foggy mist of my mucus filled head. My brother would help me look after mum but he is ….well a man and if he catches it…. I’m not dealing with man flu, no way, no how. And if that wasn’t bad enough our boiler decided to conk out this morning and cold showers do not help with moaning and aching bodies.

I want my mum back so she can take care of me and so I can moan, it’s no fun being ill if no one is going to look after you. I thought mums were meant to be invincible, superhero s even, surely that’s the gig right? They are not meant to snivelling, whining children themselves. And can I ask at what point do you get the special mummy handbook that tells you how to make people feel better? Is it possible to get it without actually having to have children? I give up, I’m going to take an unhealthy amount of shop bought drugs and snuggle down with my mum and sleep for about 4 hours before my drug induced slumber wears off.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

~ C. S. Lewis

   I honestly believe that if you’re not happy with how people treat you, change the people you know. Friends are allowed to break your heart but only if they rebuild it bigger and better. It doesn’t matter how close you are what matters is that at the end of the day you’ll be there for them and that they will be there for you. What matter is that they will drive cross countries or change their plans (or at least give it serious thought). When you are with a friends you should be happy and at peace and if you aren’t move on and treasure the memories because friends mean something.    

Friends are the people we share our lives with; the people we choose to share our lives with. They have intimate knowledge of our hearts and a unique understanding of our bizarre minds. Friends mean something because they choose to care; they are acquainted with every frustrating and irritable detail about you and yet still choose to be there for you. Friends are people who know your faults and still have time for you; you tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth because they are interested in the little things you do as well as the big. True friends are the foolish individuals who, even after they have advised and helped, stick around to pick up the pieces when you still mess up. Friends are people who have been there for you and if you are careful they will be there in the future, to watch, to be there on your great occasions, to tell your stories to people who don’t know you.

Friends are the people who don’t share in wonderful times but makes times wonderful by their presence. They make seeing the seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time and sharing the sun setting over it the best day of your life. They make leaving everything you know to study somewhere completely different and new the greatest adventure of your life. They make you school days the defining moment of your life. They make you feel that the world is yours, they fill you up with love of life and you know there is nothing better than when you shine together.

Sunset with friends old and new after an adventure field trip out of the city. East Bay, CA | 2012 by everydaydude

Tumbling Pretties

Apparently the average person spends 31 years on a diet or trying to lose weight, so how are chocolates appropriate?? Here darling I know you’re trying really hard to feel really good about yourself but forget that, it’s really not that important and you know if you don’t eat the 2 trays of chocolates you’ll just feel guilty because I went to all the effort of getting you your favourite chocolates. And Flowers, really?? I mean I get that flowers are beautiful and a reflection of your relationship but you know they do have a terrible habit of withering and dying.

Then there is the romantic evening out where couples are in competitions with each other. I have been stuck at a table for 4 with 2 complete strangers, separated by a fan. I spent most the night trying not to interrupt their conversation, this, maybe, kind be because my partners was so dull. Then there is the overpriced food that is always a charcoal mess, with underdone sides, served by a surly waitress or waiter who sadly doesn’t have anything better to do on Valentine’s Day.

I mean you could ignore Valentine’s Day but no matter how you try and rationalise, you always seem a bit bitter and sad, even if you’re in a relationship, you run the risk of upsetting your partner who secretly wants to do something amazing. If you try to be original, you’ll probably over think it and freak out. Valentine’s never lives up to the hype, sure it’s lovely but it’s never amazing.

I mean other than Valentine’s the only days that you have to show affection are anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas. Four days, that’s all , may I ask what are you doing for the other 361 days of the year that are so important you can’t find just a couple more to devote to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?? Valentine ’s Day is an excuse for lazy people not worry about their relationship for the other 361 days; which is silly as then there is all this pressure on one day, that’s it one day to get it all right to show how much you love this person. I am missing something, is everyone else in the world superhuman and has managed to crack this impossible feet of fitting 361 days of love and wonderment into one day??

A familiar road

“Not all those who wander are lost;”~ Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

I am totally lost, really really lost. I am not evening wandering anymore, I’m not going straight, I’m not even moving, I have hesitated and I have stopped. My life has stalled and I feel so misplaced like I’m a thousand miles from where I should be. It’s not the first time I’ve lost my way, but I’m tired of having to find myself, I’m exhausted and I still have to find out where I am and where I am going. I’m terrified that it will take me such long time to recover from this state, that one day I’m gonna wake up and be another year older but be 3 more steps behind, still not on the right path, not travelling the right road.

Don’t misunderstand me I’m still making memories, still doing what I love and laughing, still being me or at least what I can be while I’m lost. It just that I’m not travelling, I’m not moving forward. There is no universal template, no directions, no signs to follow; we are all going our own way, each path is individual, sometimes there are others with us, travelling parallel, but it’s still our own road, making our solitary way. At the crossroad how do you decide which way to go, which is right, which is easiest, which is most rewarding or most challenging?? Which path is happiness, which is what you want, which is what you need??

Can you follow every whim your heart and mind has?? You can’t go in every direction; you have to choose one, not always knowing if it is correct and not knowing where it is heading exactly or where you’ll travel through. For that matter does it matter which path you tread?? All Roads end the same as long as you’re content does it matter how you get there, does it matter if there are roads not taken??

Who are these people who seem to have maps?? Or are they bluffing and just have enough drive to charge ahead in life. They just hurtle down the road seeming to know that if they go straight, don’t turn around and don’t be indecisive that it is the accurate path. How do they find the strength to do this?? Am I just weak, or is it that others and I have just lost sight of where the path is and where is should be going?? What about finding the courage to change course, to know you are going the wrong way?? How brave do you have to be to do this, to change your direction?? When you have been travelling a path for most of your life, to keep your eyes open and not be afraid to recognise that this isn’t what you want and you’ll have to go a different way or worse turn around and go back. Is it okay as long as you keep moving??

I’m not travelling, I’m not achieving anything; I’m not discovering who I am or becoming who I am meant to be. I’m not even really looking for an answer, I just want to figure it out, so I can keep going because I’m really excited about life and about all the roads and paths I’m going to take. It would be nice however to have a little guidance or reassurance that I am heading in the right direction.

Or is that secretly the point, that when what matters is the journey not the destination being a little uncertain is okay. You don’t always have to be on the right track, knowing exactly where you are going. Being lost is okay as long as you keep going on a path, your path, content to travel that road.

More of life’s paths here

   So here’s my ‘clever’ plan, lots of drug (2 mugs of tall black coffee and aspirin), Fine cuisine (find someone to make me bacon sandwich) and put on just enough makeup to make it look like I am human, without giving away that I am trying to hide something.  The problem is, as I get older this works less and less.

   I need a better cure, anyone got one……. please??    

Also find out what all my American friends are going on about something about a dad shooting his daughters laptop??

Our secret view

It FINALLY snowed in Britain; and I do mean FINALLY, what is the point in winter if it’s not going to have a generous helping of the freezing sparkly stuff?? The UK had been having a perverted amount of warm weather; it didn’t really get below freezing until a couple of weeks ago. The last couple of days however have been wonderful finally some proper freezing, blustery, biting, winter weather.

I love snow because every time I see it, it’s like the first time; I’m still always full of excitement and anticipation. The first few flakes tumble and weave their way down in a beautiful dance that promises striking views and mountains of fun. Snow elegantly covers the world in a blanket of white glitter that vividly contrasts with the sky and sunsets creating tremendous sights. Houses and gardens engulfed in snow look otherworldly and the countryside whispers it awesome grandeur as the world for a small time is still and stands looking serene. Snow is fabulous to look at and fabulous to play in. Even my sun-worshipping family enjoys the snow, the whole street comes out to play, the old, the young and the in between. The planet beyond our street falls away while there is snow (we get a bit stranded if I’m honest) so we play like we are six and the world is our street and nothing more frightening.

Every time there is enough we walk down the road, over the gate, down the track over

The white sparkly stuff

the fence to our sledging hill, I can do it with my eyes closed because the short walk is eagerly emblazed on my mind. Sledging is like flying; so swift, so scary, so thrilling. There is also breathtaking view from that hill that is our secret. I have memorised how to build a giant snowman that you have climb to decorate and that melts so slowly it is there for days after the weather has warmed. I remember snowball fights that have enveloped our entire street and turned friend against friend, child against parent. I remember the first time it snowed on Christmas day, it was dark and my sister and I were already in our pyjamas after a long wonderful day. My dad in protest that his children were not playing in the snow through a snow ball at the back of my head, inside the house while we was playing board games!! This could not go without consequence, somewhere there is an amazing photo of me, my sister and brother in nothing but nightwear, in the middle of our snow-covered street throwing relentless snowballs at our father. Soon enough another father came to his rescue, so his children came to ours.

I have spent a childhood building snowmen taller than me, sledging so fast that I was determined I would never stop and having snowball fights in school uniform with teachers.  I don’t think I shall ever feel too old for the majesty of snow. I don’t worry I’ll wake up and I’ll see it as an irritation or inconvenience. I’m not silly enough to drive in snow, I’m not going to worry about missing something because I’m at home and I’ll was make sure my neighbours are okay. I will spend the rest of my life the way I have started loving the crisp, silence, splendid snow.    

A single unmoving image can characterise the feeling of a nation or an individual, it can record the faces and emotions of any number of people. We are able to share photos like never before; in this digital age at every moment there are flashes lighting up the air. We cherish photographs that have hundreds of random strangers in the background. We share in the moment of strangers, the happy ones, the unique and meaningful moments that can never be replicated only remembered.

  I can spend hours being surprised by the soap opera of my family played out through these still images. They are strangely comforting with familiar and smiling faces gazing at you from a moment forever preserved. My favourite photos are often nothing special just a single moment of smiles, dancing and laughter. I would photograph every moment just to keep it safe and with me forever, just so I could smile one day with someone special as I tell them my own story.

Tumbling Pretties here

I have done nothing this week apart from celebrating Crape de Jours, I mean it, nothing, I have got up, gone to work, come home and slept. I swear this is further proof that I am not in any way, shape or form cut out to be an adult with responsibilities. It is things like this that means I’ll miss bills being paid, tax thingys and those things that people have annually to celebrate their survival in this world for another year. I thought the whole time keeping thing was meant to be easier when you were employed??

When I was a student I didn’t ‘waste time’ I just lost track of it, you know reading (mostly irrelevant) stuff, lying on bed thinking about stuff, sitting and staring at a blank screen putting stuff together in my mind. Going for walks, having coffee, getting lost in the library and talking, there were just thousands of valid ways to lose track of time. When you have all these other things to think about, as a student, the hardest thing in the world was remembering what day of the week it was….

How, now I am doing a vaguely decent impression of an adult, can I still lose time?? Surely it is the first thing that comes to a grown up??

Is it really Friday??

I keep thinking it is Wednesday or something. There are so many things I meant to do this week……

Oh well, if it is Friday, I’ll err just pop down the pub then.

It may have taken me 21 years and some intensive therapy but I am ready to admit that coffee is amazing…. and I might be a little bit addicted to it. Not in a bad way, caffeine has never given me a buzz in fact coffee tends to send me to sleep(?!) and despite the fact I can quite happily drink 6 or 7 cups in a day, I don’t have any negative effects if I don’t get my 6 or 7 hits. I assume this is because I’m young and not some sort of oddity. I just really, really, really-really, REALLY adore coffee.

Coffee is wonderfully versatile as a hot beverage, you can have it for breakfast, mid-morning, for dessert and in the evening, coffee is basically a marvellous treat that is good at anytime of the day. It oozes warm and fuzzy feelings and has a fabulous smell that is so iconic there is a saying about it. The one taste that can be altered a hundred ways and still is worth waiting in obscene queues and paying for.

“Wanna have coffee?” are three words that are truly enticing, whether it’s to get on the right side of your boss at work, taking a break from the pressures of shopping life or someone just being nice; they are lovely words. There is nothing more pleasing than hearing them from a friend, to have a good old catch up, or that tickle of anticipation when someone special asks. Coffee at these times is awesome.

I get excited by a tall mug of steaming black coffee, no matter when, where or how I am having it. I regularly declare undying love for someone who produces coffee for me; it is the quickest way to my heart.  I only have great associations with coffee, to this day my favourite birthday cake was coffeecake with coffee frosting and I am now devoted the person who made it.  I have memories of making mugs of coffee with friends and taking them to the ruins of a castle to watch the sunset. I have written brilliant essays with the help of coffee. I honestly believe if I had enough coffee there is nothing I couldn’t do.I have been posting all things pretty and coffee here all week.

1. I can hold a conversation about different forms of time and dimension travel from Tardis to Slider. I’m currently discussing it with a friend on Facebook. We trying to figure out if we are smart enough to create 1.12 gigawatts of energy either from recycling or whether it would be easier by become an international criminal and use nuclear energy.
2. I honestly believe every man looks better in period (regency) costume. Examples Johnny Lee Miller, Rupert Penny Jones, Alan Rickman.                            And Colin Firth, wet and struggling for composure.
3. Ask me any question on Happy Potter and I can answer it, even if it is an enquiry as to what event happened in which book and which chapter. I can even tell you where in Scotland Hogwarts probably is.  On that subject I own a wand and house tie.
4. I can give you the entire back story (including reboots) on every DC character. Comic or DCAU. I even know what DCAU means.
5. I play video games better than the average boy. I do, however, do it with a lot of very girlie screaming.
6. I have very strong and healthy opinions on different Star Trek captains.
7. I have an unhealthy obsession with cartoons and anime.
8. I believe the worst thing to happen to TV was the cancellation of Firefly.
9. I spent the down time in a summer watching Buffy because there was nothing good on TV.
10.  I LOVE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (do not think the 80s cartoon, think the violent, passionate comics.)