Leave me alone I want to go on WordPress.

I feel like I haven’t been on WordPress properly in a horrific amount of time and that feeling is pretty representative of the reality. I’m thinking about just declaring the whole of tomorrow night as a dedication to WordPress. No, I take that back, I’m not thinking about it, I am most definitely doing it. I intend to do nothing else other than sit at my desk, no wait sit on in bed, with a huge cup of coffee and a brownie and just read. I’m looking forward to it; I can’t remember the last time I looked at the Reader tabby thing, let alone Freshly Pressed or Topics. I haven’t even written anything properly since, o hell I can’t remember when.

I have a WordPress itch, I spend my day at work thinking about the next time I’m going to get to scratch my itch but it never seems to happen. The problem is things keep getting in the way, (either my head or other people’s heads think they have a better plan for my time, in truth none of these heads actually have better plans,) and apparently “go away I want to play on WordPress” is just not satisfactory to get these other things to leave me alone. I suppose I should have turned into a gremlin duvet monster (this is my secret super power, it doesn’t really help the world, only me) and stayed in bed until I’d had my WordPress fix, I’ve been pretty grouchy recently and I’m 100% sure it’s because I miss WordPress. What can the world really do if I just hide in bed and refuse to function as a human pending my WordPress therapy?

Things “getting in the way” isn’t even a good excuse, I’m making myself grumpy out of an inability to find 15 minutes to do some reading on the internet of things I actually like. I swear my head makes no sense sometimes, well a lot of the time. Here’s the plan Blogosphere: go on WordPress more, plain and simple.

Totally lost for words

I got half way through writing a post yesterday before giving up, because it got waaaaayy to complicated and I couldn’t stop it from being word vomit and blugh. The more I thought about what I was writing the more I found there was to write about. The more I found to write about the more I wanted to put ideas into my post and the more…. wiggly, wobbly, messy and befuddled it became.

Honestly it was just spiralling out of my control and has left me with the dilemma of what to write about instead. The pressure is on. I must think of something else, DUN DUN DUN. I really need to be struck with an idea before anxiety sets in and I start to feel unproductive and begin to wallow in my lack of inspirational……. wonderful the clock is tick, tick, ticking.

I could tell you about total triumph today when someone declared within my hearing that all women were indecisive. I said that it wasn’t that we couldn’t make decisions; it was more that we felt we shouldn’t have to choose between things we want ed. Why? Because women are amazing and deserve everything they desire. Alternatively I could tell you that Britain only gets one week of summer a year and this year it’s come early, this week to be precise. So I’ve spent the week getting an unseasonal tan. Or I could tell you about my mum being so desperate for a wee that she was doing the toilet dance in the car while I’m doubled up with laughter …. and being shouted at. I could tell you that I completely unsatisfied with my job, that I’m bored and miserable and that I prepared to do absolutely anything to get away from it. I could tell that my biggest problem right now is that I’m going to be 22 and have no idea what I’m going to do to celebrate it and this is a huge problem as I’m am legendary for birthdays and making them last for a lifetime.

Orrrrr I could just post this ramble and run off to the beer and enjoy what little summer I going to get on this rainy-side of the pond….. Yep doing that.

The wandering mind of a gym goer.

I have kind of been staring at a blank screen for a while; I have a few posts I have been working on but nothing that I want to publish yet. I am, however, off just now to visit my cousin with my sister which would mean that I wouldn’t be able to write anything until Monday. Hence the staring at a blank screen; when I set deadlines I am either never really happy with what I write or nothing really comes to mind to write about. This morning I gave up on staring at the blank screen and went to the gym …….where in my head I was still staring at the blank screen, trying to write my blog in my head.

I like the gym, sort of. I don’t like the gym because I am over weight, hate the clothes I have to wear and the fact I can’t wear makeup. I love taking care of my appearance and I could probably count on one hand the amount of people who have seen me looking less than immaculate, without make-up, without my hair being done. My sister is so rude, openly laughing when she sees me without make-up in coach potato clothes; she says it’s odd, like seeing someone for the first time without their glasses; they just don’t look like themselves. It’s alright for her she always looks epic even in her p.js. I like the gym because I like exercise, I play hockey, netball, cricket and rounders, and I horse ride and dance.

My favourite thing about the gym has to be how the mind is able to wander. For example, can someone explain to me why at the gym there always seems to a cooking or food program on the TV? It just makes me hungry and never for healthy things either. It’s all, add this much butter or cream I end up going home with cravings for chocolate cake or some ridiculously rich pasta sauce.

Oh and when I get home I’m going to have go and pick up my dance costume, which is pink, why are dance costumes always pink and outlandish? Another thing is some people wear some really odd things to the gym, one man today wore tracksuit trousers and a work shirt, why wear a shirt to the gym….. really?

Speaking of odd things that you see at the gym, why do couples come to the gym and bicker? Either bicker at home or don’t come together. You obviously need sometime apart if you are at a point in your relationship where you bicker about where an odd sock has come from and who did the laundry to create the odd sock.

I have also never figured out why men think it is appropriate to stare at women who venture in to the weights room. I am allowed to be here so don’t make me feel guilty because I want to do some toning. Likewise, yes I get it, you are thinner than me and are probably fitter this does not mean you can also stare at me, if you want the machine I’m on, wait. I have fifteen minutes on each machine, I do not exceed this and I’m not going to cut my time short just because you’re staring at me, so GO AWAY!! Making me feel all self conscious and irritated is just bad-mannered!!

The other thing my head seems to think about at the gym is the music. I mean does anyone actually like the music that is played? No it is awful, but if you turned it off or played something different everyone would notice and feel uncomfortable.

Recently I have so been thinking about what ever lilac monstrosity I’m going to end up wearing as a bridesmaid for some dear friends. Oddly, this doesn’t make me want to lose weight, it just makes me feel distraught that once again there will be an occasion in my life where I will look less than immaculate.

My Lost Blogs

I’d like to think that it wasn’t just me who did this, but, did anyone else read loads of blogs before they started writing one themselves? Thing is I have read blogs since I was about 13 I am now 21, I’d like to think I started reading blogs before it was cool but I doubt this is the case. I had them all saved in my bookmarks and favourites in a folder all their own. These were the blogs I spent years collecting and stumbled across, I loved them, they were very important to me. Every night I would pick a few, pray for new entries and read. I loved the idea of being a random view and would spend ages looking for new blogs or entries too. I was game to read anything and it was an important part in my growing love for the written word. Being dyslexic I have the attention span of a 3 year old on Christmas Day that can’t decide which toys, boxes or wrapping paper to play with first; blogs were an important part of me learning to have the discipline to simply sit down and read further than the opening page.

As you can imagine when I got a virus on my laptop through my universities inadequate software and virus protection and lost everything I was miserable. I was devastated having lost all my photographs and documents since I was 15, almost six years worth of work. I was very upset but it was a couple of days before I realised I had also lost all my blogs, that was the last straw I had a bit of a meltdown. I could deal with losing the digital originals of my photos I could get copies here, there, everywhere; most of my documents had been emailed to myself so I could work on them anywhere so there were copies. My blogs however they were a different matter they were gone, they had simply stopped to exist and I had no way to get them back. I had this great sense of loss some of these blogs I had invested years in they were part of my life, people I knew even if they didn’t know me and they were gone forever.

After 2 weeks of moping my computer genius friend agreed to look at my laptop, I had already had experts look at my it to see what they could save but I had neglected to mention the desperate desire for my bookmarks back in my life, so he was my last chance. If I’m honest I didn’t hold out much hope and while I cooked his payment for looking at my laptop (the first decent dinner he had in months) I let him play.  45 minutes later after much swearing and grumbling he looked over the top and smirked. First of all he apologised and then presented my laptop, there on the bright white screen were 10 of my blog bookmarks probably the oldest ones, he apologised again because he couldn’t recover anymore. I didn’t care; I loved him for just getting back 10.

I have spent hours trying to refind some of my favourite blogs especially the more recent ones and in some respects I have been quite successful, in others not so much. I had never realised that while I would recognise names of blogs I could not recall them at will. Very irritating, however this has meant I have discovered many new and interesting blogs through this search, so silver lining and all that.

I like to think that most things have an upside.