Totally Selfish

I been away a while, sorry, but life, the universe and everything seemed in collusion to make things hectic. Fair warning this post is about me being very very selfish, I am aware of this and sadly like most feelings when you’re aware of them they just become more intense and grotesque.

I never bring my relationships home to meet the parents mainly because I very rarely think these prospective better halves will go anywhere so there would be little point. That or I might have to admit I really like the person and they would have to find out what a loud, interactive and teasing family I have and I could never do that to myself let alone another living thing! I’m related to my family I don’t have a choice but others do! My romantic relationships are one of the few things in my life other than mental health that I’m not very vocal about. It is my business and no one else’s. Both my brother and sister however have partners that have been brought home to meet the parents and the rest of the family. I would call them serious relationships; they have to be if you’re willing to put them through that.

My brother’s partner is a wonderful person I went to uni with and we were part of the same social circle and society there. We are friends in our own right; we have a relationship that is independent of her relationship with my brother. My sister’s partner I just happen to work with and he is a lovely guy but if I didn’t have to work with him I wouldn’t have relationship with him other than being my sister’s boyfriend and I would be quite happy with that. Both partners are fabulous company and it doesn’t seem lots of effort has to be made for them to fit with our clan. They are well come attendants at family meals and parties and get on exceptionally well with everyone. This doesn’t mean my sister should just go and invite her partner to my birthday meal without asking me.

Really she shouldn’t because it was just going to be my parents, me, my cousin (who is basically a sister) and my brother and sister. At no point are my cousin and brother bringing their partners so why has my sister without telling me gone and invited him and rebooked the table? I know this will make me sound like a three year old but IT’S MY BIRTHDAY WHY CAN’T I INVITE WHO I WANT? I’m only having a dinner because I’m not allowed to ignore my birthday completely. If one partner is coming they should all be coming, starting with my brothers girlfriend because I’m actually friends with her, then my cousins boyfriend because he runs in our social circle and then it should be my sister’s boyfriend because I only work with him. Now it looks like I’m being rude by not inviting the other partners and rude at work. I haven’t invited any of the people at work I’m friends with to do anything for my birthday at all.

Now I’m massively irritated because I don’t understand, when does become obligatory to invite partners? Does it matter that it’s my birthday and I want to invite the people I want to invite? Is this completely unreasonable or is it as I get older it’s just something that happens? I mean it’s not like I said no partners allowed I just didn’t invite them, but I’m not even bringing my own! What I really don’t understand is why this bothers me so much.

O well my sister has no idea I actually smiled when she told me and said that would be lovely while my brother pulled a face as I said more the merrier. Bad move it turns out, since he knows I wanted something quiet, he has decided that he will invite my friends out for drinks after, even the ones that don’t get along with my sister’s boyfriend. Instead of making me feel better I just feel like my birthday is going to turn into a lot of posturing and I’m going to go down ill in the next couple of hours so I can give it a miss. Or take a camera. I haven’t decided. I feel this is all so melodramatic of me but I don’t understand, how did trying to ignore my 22nd birthday has turned into a perhaps showdown of friends and family and me acting like I’m 5??

Deluded 50′s Fantasy

 

Brigitte Bardot, France 1954

I’d like to think I know how good I have it and how lucky I am to have been born in this age of hopeful lye quality, education and internet. I have ability to do whatever I wish to with my life with little repercussions from going against what would have once been considered societal norms and I have the ability to communicate ideas and thoughts with potentially thousands of people.

I only mention this as for the last week there has been no boiler in our house, well, no there is still a boiler in our house it just isn’t working, and you know when men, even men of the pluming profession think ‘ I am man I can fix this’, our boiler is apparently the exception to this rule. So it’s been cold like its 1950 and you know what? It really wasn’t that bad. As far as I am concerned I could have just about survived in the 1950. I love the cold it’s an excuse to wear layers and scarves and if I have a genuine excuse to wear them inside even better and thermal underwear now has cute little lacey bits, granny chic at its best. Better yet all those puffy out skirts, peep toe shoes and Monroe hair styles would have been wonderful.  Feminism may have been going through a bit of a bleak period but it was the beginning of a cultural revolution and I could have managed. If the worst thing about the 50’s was the fact you had to go to bed with a hot water bottle and wear extra layers of clothes I think I could manage.

Yeah, I should not have mentioned this thought to my parents, who just happened to have been around in the 50’s. There was an exchange of looks that just screamed ‘Our daughter is deluded’ and I should have exited the room as quickly as possible then. I didn’t and yes I was definitely deluded to believe this comment was just going to be passed over or was even accurate.

“Out of interest how have you been doing your laundry the last week?” My mum took the first shot with her cough ridden rasp of a voice.

“Errrr, washing machine??” I loved this part of the conversation; I had no idea where it was going.

“And how have you been doing the dishes?”

I had to think about this, I generally try to avoid anything with bits of old food stuck on but eventually I volunteered “the Dishwasher??”

“Oh and how have you been keeping your hair so clean and glossy?” my dad inquired with a smug smile.

Realisations can suck!! Particularly when they are slow and your parents get to be so, so, self-satisfied about it.

“Electric shower, yeah, fine I would have sucked in the 50s and you survived it; without heating or an electric shower and by doing dishes and washing by hand. Blah! Blah! But you know what? at least I know how to work the bloody DVD player.”