LIE: Mums don’t get ill.

   I have decided one thing, just one. I have decided that if I am ever foolish enough to bring life into this world I want to be able to sit in a giant bed with them it my child and drink Lemsip because my child and I are ill. This is what I have been doing with my own mum for the last few days. I have been ill for about a week, it is that horrific I feel like hell and don’t want to move, yet sadly I am still well enough to move so will, kind of ill. My mum has contracted whatever this virus masquerading as a cold is (it’s worse than a cold it makes you ache and nauseous) I had, but have yet to get over fully. Mum has it worse and it is Fanny Adams heres, fault.

    My mum is doing a rather good impression of a dying swan and I’m sure I’d be more sympathetic if I didn’t feel like doing the same impression myself. I’m still struggling in to work which is a mistake because two of my co workers are at war and despite claiming to be Switzerland they are both desperately still trying to get me onside and increasing my head ache. Dad who debatable might be a help is in Berlin, at one point I knew why, but now it has been lost in the foggy mist of my mucus filled head. My brother would help me look after mum but he is ….well a man and if he catches it…. I’m not dealing with man flu, no way, no how. And if that wasn’t bad enough our boiler decided to conk out this morning and cold showers do not help with moaning and aching bodies.

I want my mum back so she can take care of me and so I can moan, it’s no fun being ill if no one is going to look after you. I thought mums were meant to be invincible, superhero s even, surely that’s the gig right? They are not meant to snivelling, whining children themselves. And can I ask at what point do you get the special mummy handbook that tells you how to make people feel better? Is it possible to get it without actually having to have children? I give up, I’m going to take an unhealthy amount of shop bought drugs and snuggle down with my mum and sleep for about 4 hours before my drug induced slumber wears off.



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