About The Utopia Between Youth and Adulthood

Lost in the utopia between youth and adulthood, there I dance, laugh, read, cook and muse. But mostly I get lost......

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I thought I might just leave this here. I love this for a number of reasons, too many to list. I also think it is inspirationally personal and beautiful.

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So where is my copy of…?

I really need to start blogging in the morning before work, or while at work (ha, I wish) because I think there is a black hole that just swallows up my evenings. I’d like to think that all this time will somehow return to me at a later date through the black hole but it’s highly doubtful. I’m not even sure what I’m doing in the evening because it is not my usual pursuit of reading.

Recently I have, however, been pondering the great universal question of how to organise my bookshelf, this may seem inconsequential to some but for me it is a fundamental to my existence. I’m beginning to think that if every book has a place then the answers to life’s questions are always easily found. Who cares if scientists have found the Higgs boson (I do really) but what is the importance of the fundamental question of the universe when compared to where do I put the Iliad: Poetry, history or classic? And Artemis Fowl: young lit, fantasy, adventure or crime?

Questions like how many categories to have, become insurmountable decisions. Too many and there is little point in having them; too few and there is little help in finding the book you want. How then do you organise the books within a category, alphabetically or by author? By Author, okay but what if you can’t remember the author’s name? You could go by the title of the book but what if you are in search of something else but the author that you know is somewhere but you just can’t remember where. Then there is the trusted order by favouritism or how much a book is liked but well that leaves books long forgotten in some obscure part of the book shelf in an uncomfortable out if reach place.

Which leads to the most difficult question, where do you place each category? Which categories need to be the most easily accessed and what do you do if by some unfortunate happening you favourite book is in a category in an awkward place? What books an ever be afforded to be placed in an inaccessible place? And finally how important is chronology? I struggle with authors names let alone when a book was written and I may not have even brought the books in the order of release if I discovering a new writer.

So here’s my theory, when I have a sprawling library I will have multiple copies, and I will have every book and everything in the universe mapped, ordered and categorised, I’ll be happy and have the answer to everything.

V Featival

V Festival was this weekend, and well, it was very much needed. At the age of 22 I’m a festival veteran, I have been going for years with my parents and then with friends and this year would make it 11 years of attending. V festival has most the things I would need for a good weekend, amazing music, crap food, fab company, a fun fair and the fantastic potential of adventure and memories.

No matter my age I love V, I spending the weekend chilling out and dancing to music. It sets me up for the year as it constantly makes me feel free, myself and happy. I’ve seen my favourite music acts there and discovered new ones. I have made new friends, cemented old ones and known that some were coming to an end there. I’ve celebrated the ending of eras, new ones beginning and simply being alive at V festival.

The thing about V is that I never stop marvelling at the fact thousands of people choose to spend their time and money sitting in a field (standing if it rains) and listen to music. When you’re there it’s hard to think of anything more wonderful.

Okay I’ll be honest my absence hasn’t just been about the lack of internet; mostly it’s the internet but not entirely.

I’m the type of person who when things get difficult or bad in life, I withdraw, put my head down and get on with life. I haven’t really figured out if there is another option other than that.

This makes things difficult for my friends because I won’t talk to them about anything until after the fact or after I sorted out my own feelings and thoughts. I think my closest friends see this as an inability to trust and let people in. It’s not that I just think that everyone has their own problems and I’m not going to load mine on someone unless I have to. The thing is, is that I never feel alone because I know that I have friends there for me and will be there if I need them and that knowledge is the greatest help to me. Sometime I wish I was better at vocalising that fact.

Recently it feels like the bad has been never ending and every time I get a footing and my bearings something else happens to destroy whatever hold or understanding I may have. I feel overwhelmed, filled with grief and just exhausted. I haven’t figured out how to deal with the rug been pulled out from beneath me and I worry that one day I’ll have to do it all alone with no safety net and I will just fall. That thought doesn’t help. I’m just clinging on to every tiny bit of good right now, and waiting out the storm.

O internet, how I have missed you!!

I have internet again!! It is official I need the internet, I have no problem in admitting I may have a problem and may be a little addicted to it because believe me 2 almost 3 weeks without it I was clawing at my own skin. I’m so thankful I have it back I feel like I have been missing part of my body. I had never realised how use facebook was in being able to maintain relationships and keep up on your friends’ actives, miss a week of facebook and you might as well be living under a rock for all you’ll know about you friend’s lives. I have to keep having really mundane conversations to figure out what my friends have been up to so I can understand their references, which is a lot of hard work that could have been simply solved by five minutes on facebook.

My friends have even begun to think that I had dropped off the edge of the earth or something which is really distressing. I don’t want anyone to think I am ignoring them and I really don’t want to be ignored. I was bored and in desperate need of hilarity. Most of my commutation is done through my laptop and the internet in some form or another, so my poor phone had been having a horrendous work out and had no idea what hit it. It had never been used so much ever, I’m not even sure my phone knew how to make phone calls.

The other thing about having no internet is that my main forms of entertainment is my radio with fill my space with voices and tunes all day, reading and my laptop, mostly reading on my laptop and occasionally watching something on demand. I’m suffering from major book hangover so I don’t anything to read at the mo to whisk me away from a world devoid of the internet. My friends and family would of course choose this time in my life to suddenly develop their own lives and be too busy to take some time out and entertain me. I never spent so much time at the gym just to amuse myself, the bright side of this is I now know the name of the receptionist and the best time to go and perve on the gym at the gym who looks like Chris Evens and when to go when I want to be ignored and just have a lazy work out.

This is also my excuse for disappearing …..again. So Hiiiiiiiiii, hope you are all well, sorry this is rushed and I’ll hopefully write something else soon, right after I spend a couple of hours reading all the lovely posts I missed over the last 3 weeks.

To Err is Human

A person is born and then they die and in between a lot of mistakes are made, an awful lot of mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and how we form good judgement, (which, quite likely we will go and ignore anyway). Mistakes often form more of us than our successes and mistakes show us what the right decision and course is.

I don’t think a person should be judged by their mistakes, because everyone makes them and a life that is full of should, could and might hasn’t lived. What matters is what a person does after their mistake; the mark of a good person is their action after the error. Sometimes we make a wrong judgement and sometimes it is a blunder or a simple slip-up, it happens we’re human it is only a terrible thing if we let it be.

Just because someone messes up doesn’t mean that things cannot be changed for the better, for example I made a terrible error in my dance exam. I couldn’t change my mistake, all I could do was determine if I was going to give up or resolve to finish performing with everything I had and make-up for the fault. The problem is it is often much easier to give up, do nothing or blame some else when mistakes happen and things go wrong, it is always harder to try and fix something. We are faced with the decisions to run from or learn from things every day, it is only when we chose to learn or fix something that good will come from it. I ended up trying harder in my exam than perhaps I may have done had I not made the mistake, I ended up with highest honours.

In the end the sun will rise and the sun will set no matter what mistake I make, but after all that, it is down to you to decide if the mistake will remain a blunder or fault. As with everything it is down to me to decide how things will turn out for good or for bad, it is down to me to turn a decision into the correct path or an error. As with most decisions and paths, a mistake has the potential to change a life.

Thankful for Geeky Friends

I am never, NEVER, going to agree to pick up someone’s work load when they are not at work, ever again!! I have got to that point of sleep deprived/work over load/ stress mess that it’s not that I don’t know which way to turn, it’s that I don’t even know which way to think. I know that it is appreciated (sort of) but it has been so tiring the last few weeks that all I want to do is spend the weekend in bed with my laptop, but I can’t I’m baby watching and working thing-y-ing (on a weekend, it’s criminal) and oh yeah I have a dance exam and show case to participate in.

Is adult life always this hectic? Where the do you put a social life in all this chaos, actually scrap the social life where do you put sleep?

The only thing that has got me through the last few week s is my university friend from Scotland! We met in the first year and lived together in our final year. We bonded over shared nerdery (is that a word, oh well I’ll make it one) of film and books and comics. We would spend hours with hot drinks and cakes, geeking out over Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes and Philosophy. We would discuss and argue over the TV we had watched, fandoms and life. Between the two of us we created a world that was filled with just wonderful things we loved. Together we held two Harry Potter Christmas feasts, we discussed which Jane Austen man we loved most and there flaws, we made plans to build time machines. She has strong political ideals and a belief in always being true to one’s self and convictions. She is the woman I desperately strive to be with her fierce passion, excessive compassion and appreciative eye. She is also an incredible talented woman running her own shop on Esty continuing to make wonderful things.

She was in London for the Marxism Festival and while there was doing some sightseeing with her family. She took some grainy and simply awesome photos and tagged me in them so I could appreciate and geek out over them. These photos had the ability to make me smile and remind me that I need to call her so I can release my inner nerd to someone who will embrace it and enjoy it. I also really, really, need to tell her I finished the novel MistBorn even through that was ages ago as it was she who first introduced me to the series. She’ll be so pleased and it will be something else for us to indulge our inner geek over.