Thankful for Geeky Friends

I am never, NEVER, going to agree to pick up someone’s work load when they are not at work, ever again!! I have got to that point of sleep deprived/work over load/ stress mess that it’s not that I don’t know which way to turn, it’s that I don’t even know which way to think. I know that it is appreciated (sort of) but it has been so tiring the last few weeks that all I want to do is spend the weekend in bed with my laptop, but I can’t I’m baby watching and working thing-y-ing (on a weekend, it’s criminal) and oh yeah I have a dance exam and show case to participate in.

Is adult life always this hectic? Where the do you put a social life in all this chaos, actually scrap the social life where do you put sleep?

The only thing that has got me through the last few week s is my university friend from Scotland! We met in the first year and lived together in our final year. We bonded over shared nerdery (is that a word, oh well I’ll make it one) of film and books and comics. We would spend hours with hot drinks and cakes, geeking out over Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes and Philosophy. We would discuss and argue over the TV we had watched, fandoms and life. Between the two of us we created a world that was filled with just wonderful things we loved. Together we held two Harry Potter Christmas feasts, we discussed which Jane Austen man we loved most and there flaws, we made plans to build time machines. She has strong political ideals and a belief in always being true to one’s self and convictions. She is the woman I desperately strive to be with her fierce passion, excessive compassion and appreciative eye. She is also an incredible talented woman running her own shop on Esty continuing to make wonderful things.

She was in London for the Marxism Festival and while there was doing some sightseeing with her family. She took some grainy and simply awesome photos and tagged me in them so I could appreciate and geek out over them. These photos had the ability to make me smile and remind me that I need to call her so I can release my inner nerd to someone who will embrace it and enjoy it. I also really, really, need to tell her I finished the novel MistBorn even through that was ages ago as it was she who first introduced me to the series. She’ll be so pleased and it will be something else for us to indulge our inner geek over.


Like Chalk and cheese that come in the same pod.

The differences between my elder brother, younger sister and I starts with our looks, while we share the same blue, grey eyes our features bear no resemblance. My siblings have striking Mediterranean feel about their looks, dark hair, dark skin, while I have more of an English rose thing going on with pale skin and blonde hair. They’re small, I’m big, my brother looks like my dad, my sister like my mum and I’m apparently a throwback to past generations.

The variations continue with our passions, personalities, ideals and dreams, my siblings and I are as diverse as biology can get. There is however an undeniable resemblance between us, our mannerisms mirrors each other, we are all odd and we think on the same wave length. We can tell what another will say or think or do before it has even occurred to our siblings. This leads to weird conversations, especially when we are at a music festival and spend an hour (not an exaggeration, I timed it) waiting for food. Here are some bits you probably understand because I swear the rest was just gobbledee guck.

“The new Mini Cooper doesn’t even look mini anymore it’s huge” my sister the car expert begins.

“Yeah the designers were determined to destroy the original design and point of being mini,” replies my brother.

“Shouldn’t even be called a Mini anymore, it should be a Maxi,” continues my sister

“I could totally pull off a Maxi,” grins my brother.

I haven’t been paying attention so reply with “You could borrow my Maxi dress if you want,” because crossing dressing is a definite possibly of conversation for us.


“You know what is worse than a drunk 15 year old??” I asked after watching some drunk people in the mud.

“A drunk 45 year old,” simultaneously replied my brother and sister.


“You know it took me 45 minutes to do a 15 minutes car journey-” my brother starts.

“How, WHY??” my sister interrupts.

“Your girlfriend?” I fill in


“How on earth do you know his girlfriend is the reason he took 45 minutes to do a journey?” my sister asks disgruntled.

“The only person he would go the wrong way for to avoid an argument, is for the person he is going to have sex with after the 45 minute drive,” I reply as a matter of fact.

“I thought he would have just ignored the sat nav” my sister says pulling a face.

“Definite possibility, since I don’t get to have sex with it,” my brother finishes.


“Oh I meant to tell you, James T. Kirk’s dad is Thor.” I say all excited.

“Really?” Inquired my brother.

“Yep and his mum is Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time” I nod.

“No wonder Kirk is awesome.” My brother grins.

“Are you two having a conversation like the one you had when you saw Captain America and you said the Dream Lord was in it and spent the rest of the film speculating why he was in World War 2 with the bad guy rather than watching the film?”  asks my sister.


My sister sulks “See in the real world I would be considered cooler than you two, in our family I’m the freak for not getting this.”

(Chris Hemsworth play George Kirk in Star Trek and Thor, Jennifer Morrison plays Winona Kirk in Star Trek and Emma Swan,  Toby Jones play the Dream Lord in Doctor who and Arnim Zola in Captain America; me and my brother merge an actors characters all the time make watching things much more interesting.)


“Noooooooooo” my brother hisses.

My sister and I turn“What?”

“He has dropped he food on the ground and he is picking it up grass, mud and all he is going to eat it!”

“I totally get that” my sister states.

My Brother completely disgusted ,“You are telling me that you are that desperate to save money that you would pick up a couple of quids worth of food out of the mud rather than waste it?”

“No but she is desperate enough after spending 45 minutes in this queue, very hungry ,to not waste the time she spent waiting.” I say.

“Yep, basically anything to not have to queue again.” My sister smiles.

Missing words

I have not spent all my down time in the last couple of days reading missed WordPress post from the last 3 weeks, nope, definitely not :/

I’m currently seeing this guy and why this may not be a very big deal to me it is to everyone around me apparently. When it comes to my relationships I tend to keep things to myself, it is my business and I like to keep my family and friends well out of it. I mean if I have no idea what is going on, why would I let anyone else have an idea of what may or may not going on? This time however he is a friend of my sisters and the best friend of my cousin so they know and now everyone else knows. No chance of playing my cards close to my chest as everyone finally has a chance to be involved in my relationship.

I used to think as I got older I would have more of an idea about romantic relationships. I don’t. I don’t think relationships are ever simple, there is just a whole new range of issues and problems, and I think love, at least Hollywood, novel, fairytale love is an unrealistic goal. I just don’t think it is out there. None the less, I like dating, I like people, I like being appreciated, I like knowing I make someone happy, I like caring about someone, and I like having someone special.

My usual problem with relationships is I like space, lots of space. This really puts people on edge, they begin to think I don’t like them or I’m not interested. It’s not that I’m not interested, if I wasn’t interested why would I spend time with someone in the first place. I just don’t need a text every five minutes or a phone call, funny enough I haven’t done anything in that short period of time to talk about. I’m also not going to change all my plans to see someone, I have other friends and other commitments that I need to attend to, I will not drop everything, I had a life before I was dating and I’ll have one after. I’m like this, I like my world and sometimes I like to be alone in it, sometimes with friends and family, or working but I will always make time and room for someone. If someone doesn’t like this or wants me to change, I don’t think I am the girl for them.

For once my space issues are not the problem. This is something of a breakthrough considering I’m seeing a guy who texts me every morning at 7am before my alarm goes off. This is every day, very early and I don’t mind, sometimes I take a while to text back but I always do. I have either matured or I quite like this guy. He is also really lovely, which sounds really underwhelming but he is. He is delightful and sweet and really seems to like me. My problem is we are running out of things to talk about, really there is very little left for us to discuss. We don’t have a huge amount in common and I’m beginning to think that there is little point pursuing a relationship when we don’t have any conversation.

No matter how much you enjoy someone’s company and affection surely without conversation there is no future? Is it pointless to continue a relationship with no future, or is it okay to stay in it when you like someone and they like you and just letting the relationship runs its course?

An Old friend in London Town

What I’ll remember most about yesterday was the soaring temperature, the dry air and sticky skin, fidgeting and grinning from overwhelming excitement and anticipation and the shear relief of hearing an almost lost voice and having a hug I have missed. The last time I was in London was a little under a year ago and last time I saw Kat was a little over 2 years and 2 weeks ago. I love both immensely, for wildly different reasons but I don’t see either as much as I would like.

Kat was my roommate while I was studying in America, I hadn’t shared a room since I was eight and despised the idea of having no solitary escape. Kat made having a roommate not only bearable but a wonderful part of my experience in America. She made what had been a sparse and gloomy room, home by filling it with trinkets, colour, noise and friendship. When I finally returned to Britain and my own room, I felt like someone had ripped away part of my being, she had been such a big part of my life it was odd to now have a life and a room without her.

I can’t remember ever really doing the tourist thing in London but who could say no to that chance and seeing an old friend?? London has never disappointed me but to look at everything through the eyes of a traveller was incredible. No one cares that it is over crowed, with people rushing or the expense; we were idle and easy going, swapping stories, answering question (seriously who knew I could regurgitate so much crap about the Royals) and filling her in on a whistle stop tour of London and Britain’s culture and quirks.

We started at London Bridge before following the South Bank of the Thames to the Globe. I love it at the Globe there is so much history there and the white round architecture always amuses me. We than went next door to the Tate, which I have to say is an extraordinarily ugly building considering it houses some beautiful art work. Yesterday they also had a BBQ outside, expensive but good. We followed the burger with a walk across the Millennium Bridge (the one that gets destroyed in the Harry Potter films) to S. Pauls on the opposite side of the river. This is a stunning building and the  gardens at the beginning of summer smell fantastic. We strolled up The Mall to Buckingham Palace and down The Mall to Trafalgar Square where we people watched whilst discussing education, politics, art, music and sports just like when we were hiding in our room pretending to work.  We found time to squeeze in a visit to  St. James Park, Piccadilly Circus before it got dark and we arrived in Leicester Square  it got dark and finally we ate at a proper English pub (or at least as proper as it gets in London).

I loved every moment of it even when my camera died, particularly that I was acting like a complete  tourist. When I go to London I go to shop, to the theatre or an exhibition, for work, I don’t see London, it’s just another city. I adored yesterday because I felt like I was seeing bits I had missed and because I was with amazing people. I was with Kat and in a prolonged moment of a day, doing all those things was so much better. So here is the upside to being a bit older, I can afford to go to London and buy my friend dinner. I can spend the day doing nothing and it be a wonderful guilty pleasure because I can drop everything and still go to work the next day. I’m now old enough to have a friend from years ago who lives in a different country and maintain it.   

White dresses and a level up in the game of life.

My friend has moved her wedding forward by a year from September 2013 to September 2012. I’m sorry to say I was first in there with the unoriginal question ‘Are you Pregnant?’ I couldn’t help it. I am vastly ecstatic because they got engaged and then the wedding seemed so far away, now it is the highlight at the end of my summer, let alone theirs. The bride is a wonderful friend from university and her fiancée is fab, I spend a large amount of time in their spare room when I’m visiting friends in trade for a bottle of wine. I have spent many happy hours with them and I can’t wait to see them marry, I plan to cry a sea of tears and drink way too much in their honour. They are a couple that is so established in my world that if they separated I’m sure the universe would rip at the seams.


White dresses

The dresses

I’m not going to be a bridesmaid; however I spent the weekend wedding dress shopping with the bride to be and her mother. Would you believe it, the first dress, in the first shop was just perfect and nothing else after could measure up. This didn’t stop her trying on lots of dresses, I watched her try on white gown after white gown and started to feel, well, a little odd. I have never really wanted to get married, I was always in the train of thought that if you loved someone and wanted to spend your life with them just do it, why do you need a piece of paper to prove that you do or will. It’s not like in today’s society it means a lot, every marriage seems doomed to fail before it has started. Despite my cynicism and my generation’s apparent determination to devalue marriage, I always feel overwhelmingly happy when someone tells me they are going to tie the knot, I think it’s because in that moment that person seems incandescently happy. In the bridal shop, staring at mountains of white, cream, ivory, satin and lace I started to wonder if I wanted a big white dress? I can’t imagine thinking I could spend the rest of my life with anyone, let alone wanting or even choosing someone to do that with. Just because I can’t imagine it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like it, it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t make me content, it just means I have to do some serious revaluation of what makes me happy.

Everyone around me is in long term relationships, engagements and marriage. Me? Well I joined a Facebook group called ‘My friends are getting married, I’m getting drunk’, yes this is probably childish but it feels like I’m playing a game and I just went up a level in difficultly. It feels like I’m getting old and this doesn’t sit well with me, do I have to start checking for glinting gold bands on the left hand every time someone I am remotely attracted to starts talking to me? I am going to start getting sympathy looks every time I say I’m single, watching a small flash of fear in their eye as they panic I’m might burst into tears over my singleton status or even worse they might catch singletonitis? Or heartbreakingly worse am I going to be deserted, left behind by my friends? Is there room in married life for the single girl chasing a Neverland dream? If I fight to keep my friends will they accept me, chasing happiness that’s not like theirs or will we just drift apart on different tides??

Too hot for sleep.

My wonderful Mother received this text message from me.

“What do you do if a boy is too hot in bed to sleep but otherwise perfectly fine?? Xx”

Yeah, okay, you like my mum can get you minds out the gutter right now!! This text message was about one of the boys I was babysitting last night, not about a man that was simply too exciting for sleep. I eventually did get the 7 year old boy to slip off back to sleep but apparently texting your mum at 11:30 at night, when she can’t remember where you are will lead her to assume all sorts of smutty things. My mum assumed that my enthralling text had been sent to her by mistake and had to spend some time remembering where her first daughter was.  It seems once she remembered I had several little boys in my care the text made so much more sense. I did eventually get a response to my child care issue but by then, the minimal maternal instinct I have, finally kicked in and my issue was resolved.

Since last night my mum has taken to showing my text message to everyone, my siblings, my cousin, our neighbours and her friends and everyone laughs. I missed the joke; at no point could I see the unintentional crude innuendo in my text. I am utterly ashamed, not that I sent a perhaps embarrassing text, I am embarrassed that I missed the humour. I was a student only a year ago how can I have lost that vulgar sense of humour that is integral to all students, I refuse to be that old already. My mum thinks it’s hysterical and she is much older than me; please never inform her I said that ever.

I love the fact my mum thinks I would ask this question and that she is imaginative enough to paint the wrong picture but completely disappointed that she thinks I’d ask anyone other than her. Why would I bother asking anyone else?? As far as I am concerned my mother is the all seeing all knowing oracle of my world. Who laughs at me, because she can ……because she knows I’ll always ask for whatever I need. I love how everyone I know has such a rude mind, it’s nice to know that apparently you never grow up from being 19; where everything can have a smutty but humorous spin on it if you don’t take things too seriously.

Anyway, I figure that not getting a reply from my mum is a good thing, I know I can handle a boy no matter how hot he is in bed….. and you can take that anyway you like 😛

Totally Selfish

I been away a while, sorry, but life, the universe and everything seemed in collusion to make things hectic. Fair warning this post is about me being very very selfish, I am aware of this and sadly like most feelings when you’re aware of them they just become more intense and grotesque.

I never bring my relationships home to meet the parents mainly because I very rarely think these prospective better halves will go anywhere so there would be little point. That or I might have to admit I really like the person and they would have to find out what a loud, interactive and teasing family I have and I could never do that to myself let alone another living thing! I’m related to my family I don’t have a choice but others do! My romantic relationships are one of the few things in my life other than mental health that I’m not very vocal about. It is my business and no one else’s. Both my brother and sister however have partners that have been brought home to meet the parents and the rest of the family. I would call them serious relationships; they have to be if you’re willing to put them through that.

My brother’s partner is a wonderful person I went to uni with and we were part of the same social circle and society there. We are friends in our own right; we have a relationship that is independent of her relationship with my brother. My sister’s partner I just happen to work with and he is a lovely guy but if I didn’t have to work with him I wouldn’t have relationship with him other than being my sister’s boyfriend and I would be quite happy with that. Both partners are fabulous company and it doesn’t seem lots of effort has to be made for them to fit with our clan. They are well come attendants at family meals and parties and get on exceptionally well with everyone. This doesn’t mean my sister should just go and invite her partner to my birthday meal without asking me.

Really she shouldn’t because it was just going to be my parents, me, my cousin (who is basically a sister) and my brother and sister. At no point are my cousin and brother bringing their partners so why has my sister without telling me gone and invited him and rebooked the table? I know this will make me sound like a three year old but IT’S MY BIRTHDAY WHY CAN’T I INVITE WHO I WANT? I’m only having a dinner because I’m not allowed to ignore my birthday completely. If one partner is coming they should all be coming, starting with my brothers girlfriend because I’m actually friends with her, then my cousins boyfriend because he runs in our social circle and then it should be my sister’s boyfriend because I only work with him. Now it looks like I’m being rude by not inviting the other partners and rude at work. I haven’t invited any of the people at work I’m friends with to do anything for my birthday at all.

Now I’m massively irritated because I don’t understand, when does become obligatory to invite partners? Does it matter that it’s my birthday and I want to invite the people I want to invite? Is this completely unreasonable or is it as I get older it’s just something that happens? I mean it’s not like I said no partners allowed I just didn’t invite them, but I’m not even bringing my own! What I really don’t understand is why this bothers me so much.

O well my sister has no idea I actually smiled when she told me and said that would be lovely while my brother pulled a face as I said more the merrier. Bad move it turns out, since he knows I wanted something quiet, he has decided that he will invite my friends out for drinks after, even the ones that don’t get along with my sister’s boyfriend. Instead of making me feel better I just feel like my birthday is going to turn into a lot of posturing and I’m going to go down ill in the next couple of hours so I can give it a miss. Or take a camera. I haven’t decided. I feel this is all so melodramatic of me but I don’t understand, how did trying to ignore my 22nd birthday has turned into a perhaps showdown of friends and family and me acting like I’m 5??

Green eyed monster and other fiends

Jealousy is an ugly thing, it is horrible when it takes hold of you, the “green-ey’d monster that doth mock The meat it feeds on” (Othello, Shakespeare) and what is worse you can’t save someone else from the monster’s grip. You can’t change how people feel. I find that as I get older that the main problem when trying to maintain relationships is that you can’t control how people feel. Then again if you could control how someone felt life would be much simpler. I can’t stop someone having feelings for me or not as the case maybe. I can’t help it is someone is jealous or disappointed and I can’t stop a person being tactless or feeling humiliated. I can’t stand that, that other people maybe hurt and there isn’t very much I can do about it.

I dislike people who lead devoted admirers on because they like the attention but have no romantic interest in them, it setting them up for an agonising fall. No you can’t stop a person liking you but you can control your actions around them and stop leading them on. Two of my friends are currently engaged in this dance and I worry about the fallout and the pain that will be cause and whether either party is really ready for it. You can’t stop a person being jealous but you can try to appease the situation and know when to call it a day if it’s not going to change. My colleague at work is determined to make a relationship work with a man who is cause hurt by her every move it seems. You can’t stop someone being hurt by a joke but you can stop telling it and you can’t stop someone feeling disappointed in you but you can at least try. I’m sorry to say when I was younger, for a short period, I manipulated people’s emotions to get what I wanted and since I couldn’t change how people felt I chose to simply not care. It didn’t last long I find it heartbreaking to see people unhappy and am happy to do everything to make someone smile just a little bit.

You can’t control how other people feel, you can’t control if they fall in love or what they will find ridiculous or how they will react to an event. As I’ve got older I have watched more and more people try to manipulate others emotions or pre-empt how people will react, I have watched these interactions with limited success. Now I’m older I realise you can’t predict how people will feel, you can only control your own actions and the intent of those actions. I find it distressing that I can’t promise that people will always like what I do or that someone won’t end up being hurt, all I can do within my own power is to endeavour to do what I think is right and to the best of my abilities not cause pain to those around me. This doesn’t mean I won’t cause someone pain, I already have and I probably will again, it just means I’ll strive to do minimal damage.

Friends are like your favourite artwork: beautiful.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

~ C. S. Lewis

   I honestly believe that if you’re not happy with how people treat you, change the people you know. Friends are allowed to break your heart but only if they rebuild it bigger and better. It doesn’t matter how close you are what matters is that at the end of the day you’ll be there for them and that they will be there for you. What matter is that they will drive cross countries or change their plans (or at least give it serious thought). When you are with a friends you should be happy and at peace and if you aren’t move on and treasure the memories because friends mean something.    

Friends are the people we share our lives with; the people we choose to share our lives with. They have intimate knowledge of our hearts and a unique understanding of our bizarre minds. Friends mean something because they choose to care; they are acquainted with every frustrating and irritable detail about you and yet still choose to be there for you. Friends are people who know your faults and still have time for you; you tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth because they are interested in the little things you do as well as the big. True friends are the foolish individuals who, even after they have advised and helped, stick around to pick up the pieces when you still mess up. Friends are people who have been there for you and if you are careful they will be there in the future, to watch, to be there on your great occasions, to tell your stories to people who don’t know you.

Friends are the people who don’t share in wonderful times but makes times wonderful by their presence. They make seeing the seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time and sharing the sun setting over it the best day of your life. They make leaving everything you know to study somewhere completely different and new the greatest adventure of your life. They make you school days the defining moment of your life. They make you feel that the world is yours, they fill you up with love of life and you know there is nothing better than when you shine together.

Sunset with friends old and new after an adventure field trip out of the city. East Bay, CA | 2012 by everydaydude

Tumbling Pretties

It’s Snow wonderful.


Our secret view

Our secret view

It FINALLY snowed in Britain; and I do mean FINALLY, what is the point in winter if it’s not going to have a generous helping of the freezing sparkly stuff?? The UK had been having a perverted amount of warm weather; it didn’t really get below freezing until a couple of weeks ago. The last couple of days however have been wonderful finally some proper freezing, blustery, biting, winter weather.

I love snow because every time I see it, it’s like the first time; I’m still always full of excitement and anticipation. The first few flakes tumble and weave their way down in a beautiful dance that promises striking views and mountains of fun. Snow elegantly covers the world in a blanket of white glitter that vividly contrasts with the sky and sunsets creating tremendous sights. Houses and gardens engulfed in snow look otherworldly and the countryside whispers it awesome grandeur as the world for a small time is still and stands looking serene. Snow is fabulous to look at and fabulous to play in. Even my sun-worshipping family enjoys the snow, the whole street comes out to play, the old, the young and the in between. The planet beyond our street falls away while there is snow (we get a bit stranded if I’m honest) so we play like we are six and the world is our street and nothing more frightening.

Every time there is enough we walk down the road, over the gate, down the track over

The white sparkly stuff

The white sparkly stuff

the fence to our sledging hill, I can do it with my eyes closed because the short walk is eagerly emblazed on my mind. Sledging is like flying; so swift, so scary, so thrilling. There is also breathtaking view from that hill that is our secret. I have memorised how to build a giant snowman that you have climb to decorate and that melts so slowly it is there for days after the weather has warmed. I remember snowball fights that have enveloped our entire street and turned friend against friend, child against parent. I remember the first time it snowed on Christmas day, it was dark and my sister and I were already in our pyjamas after a long wonderful day. My dad in protest that his children were not playing in the snow through a snow ball at the back of my head, inside the house while we was playing board games!! This could not go without consequence, somewhere there is an amazing photo of me, my sister and brother in nothing but nightwear, in the middle of our snow-covered street throwing relentless snowballs at our father. Soon enough another father came to his rescue, so his children came to ours.

I have spent a childhood building snowmen taller than me, sledging so fast that I was determined I would never stop and having snowball fights in school uniform with teachers.  I don’t think I shall ever feel too old for the majesty of snow. I don’t worry I’ll wake up and I’ll see it as an irritation or inconvenience. I’m not silly enough to drive in snow, I’m not going to worry about missing something because I’m at home and I’ll was make sure my neighbours are okay. I will spend the rest of my life the way I have started loving the crisp, silence, splendid snow.