Haunting presence

I’ve had an odd day, I mean really odd. You know that feeling, when without having heard or seen a person, you know someone is standing very close to you; you can just sense their presence. It’s an intolerable feeling that makes you whirl around desperate to relieve the abhorrent feeling of uncertainly, to know who is there. That is how I have felt all day like there is someone horrible haunting my right shoulder, their head hovering just behind my right ear. It is an insufferable feeling; someone is almost breathing down my neck and ruffling my hair, but when I turn around there is nothing just indecipherable air.

This morning, lying contentedly in bed, I floated between dreams and consciousness; I was mundanely playing with the idea of getting up. The edge of my bed sank as someone gently sat on the mattress, for a moment I assumed my Mother had come in to my room to talk to me. She remained silent and I didn’t move, hoping to achieve a few more winks of the doze I was enjoying. The burden slowly rose from my bed and I decided I was dreaming and so could remained lying on my front with my head buried in my pillow a little longer. The weight then returned and this time oppressively clung and clung to the air around me. Something/someone lent over me from the left side of my bed, over my body to hang its head between mine and the wall. I immediately lurched up bewildered by anyone doing this to me; I struggled up frantically the atmosphere around me pushing down. There was no one there, I was met with a nonexistent presence, I was alone in my room lit by pale morning light and my own heavy breathing.

I spent the rest of the day being followed. My every move watched intently, every action and stride manically observed and met invisibly and silently. At work, several times I spun around, certain that if I moved fast enough I would see…. something. I could not alleviate the harsh impression that there was something haunting my day. Every sense seems to betray me because I felt there was something lingering I just couldn’t see or hear or touch. It’s just there, only it exists in the corner of my eye when it thinks I’m not looking and it thinks is safe.

I am completely rattled, disturbed by this absent company. I am preoccupied by the troubling sense of an angel, ghost, imagined spectre has taken to squandering time in my presence, just beyond appearance. It is finding a foul amusement agitating my nerves and unsettling me in the twilight of my cold room. I can feel it just behind me, toying with the wind chime in my window, with long blacken nails, on a twisted mottled hand. It is tinkling leisurely with the slender metal, waiting and watching for something, I just don’t know what. I think it wants to teach me that you are never too old to be frightened by nothing.

Leave me alone I want to go on WordPress.

I feel like I haven’t been on WordPress properly in a horrific amount of time and that feeling is pretty representative of the reality. I’m thinking about just declaring the whole of tomorrow night as a dedication to WordPress. No, I take that back, I’m not thinking about it, I am most definitely doing it. I intend to do nothing else other than sit at my desk, no wait sit on in bed, with a huge cup of coffee and a brownie and just read. I’m looking forward to it; I can’t remember the last time I looked at the Reader tabby thing, let alone Freshly Pressed or Topics. I haven’t even written anything properly since, o hell I can’t remember when.

I have a WordPress itch, I spend my day at work thinking about the next time I’m going to get to scratch my itch but it never seems to happen. The problem is things keep getting in the way, (either my head or other people’s heads think they have a better plan for my time, in truth none of these heads actually have better plans,) and apparently “go away I want to play on WordPress” is just not satisfactory to get these other things to leave me alone. I suppose I should have turned into a gremlin duvet monster (this is my secret super power, it doesn’t really help the world, only me) and stayed in bed until I’d had my WordPress fix, I’ve been pretty grouchy recently and I’m 100% sure it’s because I miss WordPress. What can the world really do if I just hide in bed and refuse to function as a human pending my WordPress therapy?

Things “getting in the way” isn’t even a good excuse, I’m making myself grumpy out of an inability to find 15 minutes to do some reading on the internet of things I actually like. I swear my head makes no sense sometimes, well a lot of the time. Here’s the plan Blogosphere: go on WordPress more, plain and simple.

WordPress

Too hot for sleep.

My wonderful Mother received this text message from me.

“What do you do if a boy is too hot in bed to sleep but otherwise perfectly fine?? Xx”

Yeah, okay, you like my mum can get you minds out the gutter right now!! This text message was about one of the boys I was babysitting last night, not about a man that was simply too exciting for sleep. I eventually did get the 7 year old boy to slip off back to sleep but apparently texting your mum at 11:30 at night, when she can’t remember where you are will lead her to assume all sorts of smutty things. My mum assumed that my enthralling text had been sent to her by mistake and had to spend some time remembering where her first daughter was.  It seems once she remembered I had several little boys in my care the text made so much more sense. I did eventually get a response to my child care issue but by then, the minimal maternal instinct I have, finally kicked in and my issue was resolved.

Since last night my mum has taken to showing my text message to everyone, my siblings, my cousin, our neighbours and her friends and everyone laughs. I missed the joke; at no point could I see the unintentional crude innuendo in my text. I am utterly ashamed, not that I sent a perhaps embarrassing text, I am embarrassed that I missed the humour. I was a student only a year ago how can I have lost that vulgar sense of humour that is integral to all students, I refuse to be that old already. My mum thinks it’s hysterical and she is much older than me; please never inform her I said that ever.

I love the fact my mum thinks I would ask this question and that she is imaginative enough to paint the wrong picture but completely disappointed that she thinks I’d ask anyone other than her. Why would I bother asking anyone else?? As far as I am concerned my mother is the all seeing all knowing oracle of my world. Who laughs at me, because she can ……because she knows I’ll always ask for whatever I need. I love how everyone I know has such a rude mind, it’s nice to know that apparently you never grow up from being 19; where everything can have a smutty but humorous spin on it if you don’t take things too seriously.

Anyway, I figure that not getting a reply from my mum is a good thing, I know I can handle a boy no matter how hot he is in bed….. and you can take that anyway you like 😛

The Monday Blues.

    Monday morning with that unsettled, unhappy feeling down in the pit of your stomach, isn’t it just delightful? It is easy to tell how bad your Monday blues are going to be by how large the irresistible urge to stay in bed and have 5 more minutes is. You can also tell how bad your day is going to be by how cold and harsh the weekday (that came all too soon after the weekend) appears from beneath the duvet. I n my case 5 minutes turned into 40 minutes of the duvet over my head wrapped so tight around my body I thought it would have to be surgically removed. I also contemplated marrying my bed, so I could refuse to even acknowledge there was a world beyond my mattress and never leave it.

I have to say I don’t usually have a problem with Monday Blues so I despise the occasional Monday where I feel sluggish and ill prepared for the day. I don’t care how few and far between they are Monday Blues are cruel and an unusual form of punishment after enjoying the weekend.  Today was also completely my fault, on Friday I was too busy running off to have fun to think about the amount of work I would have to do when the weekend was over. I woke up this morning with ‘phone calls to make, emails to follow up, references to check and a helpful lack of motivation. There was also a horrific underestimation by me on how long it would take my car to defrost, making me late and irritable. I appeared at work in a fluster that declined to disappear and despite the dawdling day at work I felt completely off my game and no amount of coffee (most of which burnt my tongue) was going to fix it! There was a hope that the blues would wear off by lunch, but no this was an all day affair. Today was a constant reminder that the weekend was a very long way away and Mondays were a crap way to spend 1/7th of my life.

I’d love to chalk today up to miserable weather, a bad weekend or failed resolutions, but I can’t. It wasn’t the fault of my vindictive alarm, or the frosty weather, or the fact I have another week of toil to get through. I can only put my Monday Blues down to my own inaptitude at functioning like a grown up. I going have to get better at acting like an adult or have a duvet day every Monday.