I thought I might just leave this here. I love this for a number of reasons, too many to list. I also think it is inspirationally personal and beautiful.
I thought I might just leave this here. I love this for a number of reasons, too many to list. I also think it is inspirationally personal and beautiful.
I really need to start blogging in the morning before work, or while at work (ha, I wish) because I think there is a black hole that just swallows up my evenings. I’d like to think that all this time will somehow return to me at a later date through the black hole but it’s highly doubtful. I’m not even sure what I’m doing in the evening because it is not my usual pursuit of reading.
Recently I have, however, been pondering the great universal question of how to organise my bookshelf, this may seem inconsequential to some but for me it is a fundamental to my existence. I’m beginning to think that if every book has a place then the answers to life’s questions are always easily found. Who cares if scientists have found the Higgs boson (I do really) but what is the importance of the fundamental question of the universe when compared to where do I put the Iliad: Poetry, history or classic? And Artemis Fowl: young lit, fantasy, adventure or crime?
Questions like how many categories to have, become insurmountable decisions. Too many and there is little point in having them; too few and there is little help in finding the book you want. How then do you organise the books within a category, alphabetically or by author? By Author, okay but what if you can’t remember the author’s name? You could go by the title of the book but what if you are in search of something else but the author that you know is somewhere but you just can’t remember where. Then there is the trusted order by favouritism or how much a book is liked but well that leaves books long forgotten in some obscure part of the book shelf in an uncomfortable out if reach place.
Which leads to the most difficult question, where do you place each category? Which categories need to be the most easily accessed and what do you do if by some unfortunate happening you favourite book is in a category in an awkward place? What books an ever be afforded to be placed in an inaccessible place? And finally how important is chronology? I struggle with authors names let alone when a book was written and I may not have even brought the books in the order of release if I discovering a new writer.
So here’s my theory, when I have a sprawling library I will have multiple copies, and I will have every book and everything in the universe mapped, ordered and categorised, I’ll be happy and have the answer to everything.
I have internet again!! It is official I need the internet, I have no problem in admitting I may have a problem and may be a little addicted to it because believe me 2 almost 3 weeks without it I was clawing at my own skin. I’m so thankful I have it back I feel like I have been missing part of my body. I had never realised how use facebook was in being able to maintain relationships and keep up on your friends’ actives, miss a week of facebook and you might as well be living under a rock for all you’ll know about you friend’s lives. I have to keep having really mundane conversations to figure out what my friends have been up to so I can understand their references, which is a lot of hard work that could have been simply solved by five minutes on facebook.
My friends have even begun to think that I had dropped off the edge of the earth or something which is really distressing. I don’t want anyone to think I am ignoring them and I really don’t want to be ignored. I was bored and in desperate need of hilarity. Most of my commutation is done through my laptop and the internet in some form or another, so my poor phone had been having a horrendous work out and had no idea what hit it. It had never been used so much ever, I’m not even sure my phone knew how to make phone calls.
The other thing about having no internet is that my main forms of entertainment is my radio with fill my space with voices and tunes all day, reading and my laptop, mostly reading on my laptop and occasionally watching something on demand. I’m suffering from major book hangover so I don’t anything to read at the mo to whisk me away from a world devoid of the internet. My friends and family would of course choose this time in my life to suddenly develop their own lives and be too busy to take some time out and entertain me. I never spent so much time at the gym just to amuse myself, the bright side of this is I now know the name of the receptionist and the best time to go and perve on the gym at the gym who looks like Chris Evens and when to go when I want to be ignored and just have a lazy work out.
This is also my excuse for disappearing …..again. So Hiiiiiiiiii, hope you are all well, sorry this is rushed and I’ll hopefully write something else soon, right after I spend a couple of hours reading all the lovely posts I missed over the last 3 weeks.
A person is born and then they die and in between a lot of mistakes are made, an awful lot of mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and how we form good judgement, (which, quite likely we will go and ignore anyway). Mistakes often form more of us than our successes and mistakes show us what the right decision and course is.
I don’t think a person should be judged by their mistakes, because everyone makes them and a life that is full of should, could and might hasn’t lived. What matters is what a person does after their mistake; the mark of a good person is their action after the error. Sometimes we make a wrong judgement and sometimes it is a blunder or a simple slip-up, it happens we’re human it is only a terrible thing if we let it be.
Just because someone messes up doesn’t mean that things cannot be changed for the better, for example I made a terrible error in my dance exam. I couldn’t change my mistake, all I could do was determine if I was going to give up or resolve to finish performing with everything I had and make-up for the fault. The problem is it is often much easier to give up, do nothing or blame some else when mistakes happen and things go wrong, it is always harder to try and fix something. We are faced with the decisions to run from or learn from things every day, it is only when we chose to learn or fix something that good will come from it. I ended up trying harder in my exam than perhaps I may have done had I not made the mistake, I ended up with highest honours.
In the end the sun will rise and the sun will set no matter what mistake I make, but after all that, it is down to you to decide if the mistake will remain a blunder or fault. As with everything it is down to me to decide how things will turn out for good or for bad, it is down to me to turn a decision into the correct path or an error. As with most decisions and paths, a mistake has the potential to change a life.
I am never, NEVER, going to agree to pick up someone’s work load when they are not at work, ever again!! I have got to that point of sleep deprived/work over load/ stress mess that it’s not that I don’t know which way to turn, it’s that I don’t even know which way to think. I know that it is appreciated (sort of) but it has been so tiring the last few weeks that all I want to do is spend the weekend in bed with my laptop, but I can’t I’m baby watching and working thing-y-ing (on a weekend, it’s criminal) and oh yeah I have a dance exam and show case to participate in.
Is adult life always this hectic? Where the do you put a social life in all this chaos, actually scrap the social life where do you put sleep?
The only thing that has got me through the last few week s is my university friend from Scotland! We met in the first year and lived together in our final year. We bonded over shared nerdery (is that a word, oh well I’ll make it one) of film and books and comics. We would spend hours with hot drinks and cakes, geeking out over Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes and Philosophy. We would discuss and argue over the TV we had watched, fandoms and life. Between the two of us we created a world that was filled with just wonderful things we loved. Together we held two Harry Potter Christmas feasts, we discussed which Jane Austen man we loved most and there flaws, we made plans to build time machines. She has strong political ideals and a belief in always being true to one’s self and convictions. She is the woman I desperately strive to be with her fierce passion, excessive compassion and appreciative eye. She is also an incredible talented woman running her own shop on Esty continuing to make wonderful things.
She was in London for the Marxism Festival and while there was doing some sightseeing with her family. She took some grainy and simply awesome photos and tagged me in them so I could appreciate and geek out over them. These photos had the ability to make me smile and remind me that I need to call her so I can release my inner nerd to someone who will embrace it and enjoy it. I also really, really, need to tell her I finished the novel MistBorn even through that was ages ago as it was she who first introduced me to the series. She’ll be so pleased and it will be something else for us to indulge our inner geek over.
I’ve always had a soft spot for Disney, one of my earliest memories is me and my brother arguing over Aurora dress colour at the end of Sleeping Beauty. I not a huge fan the Disney Princess thing; I was always more of a Jungle Book, Lion King, Lady and the Tramp and everything Pixar sort of girl. Now I’m older, despite the problems I have with Disney, I find the films undeniably beautiful, I went to watch the Lion King in 3D and found that as a child I had missed how visually stunning it was.
Like I said I have problems with Disney, as a child I always felt they had ruined many of my favourite stories and fairytales by not being faithful to the original material I was familiar with. Nor I could ever really relate to Princess who all seemed desperate to find love and be swept off their feet. Then I got older and found a whole new set of issues (got to love age and cynicism.) There is however a couple of things I learnt from Disney.
andsizes. Lilo and Stitch has a small and broken family but it’s “still good” and Belle only has a father. I watched parents do anything for their children; it helped me understand my own. I watched friends in Disney help each other, I watched lovers heart-break and then rejuvenate with a kiss. Love and relationships are pivotal in Disney, because it is the thing that gives us most joy in life, our family and our friends make us happy but it’s more than that love is also about the sacrifices you make for the people who mean the most. The older you get the less you take love for granted.
The thing about growing up is that things become less black and white and become more about different shades of grey. Disney may not be the shinning white sceptical I remember it being, but that doesn’t tarnish the lessons I’ve leant. Mainly everyone can exist, the good and the bad, but you have to fight to live the life you will be proud of, you will have to believe in yourself even when others don’t and you have to dare to dream and go after that light no matter how dark it gets.
The differences between my elder brother, younger sister and I starts with our looks, while we share the same blue, grey eyes our features bear no resemblance. My siblings have striking Mediterranean feel about their looks, dark hair, dark skin, while I have more of an English rose thing going on with pale skin and blonde hair. They’re small, I’m big, my brother looks like my dad, my sister like my mum and I’m apparently a throwback to past generations.
The variations continue with our passions, personalities, ideals and dreams, my siblings and I are as diverse as biology can get. There is however an undeniable resemblance between us, our mannerisms mirrors each other, we are all odd and we think on the same wave length. We can tell what another will say or think or do before it has even occurred to our siblings. This leads to weird conversations, especially when we are at a music festival and spend an hour (not an exaggeration, I timed it) waiting for food. Here are some bits you probably understand because I swear the rest was just gobbledee guck.
“The new Mini Cooper doesn’t even look mini anymore it’s huge” my sister the car expert begins.
“Yeah the designers were determined to destroy the original design and point of being mini,” replies my brother.
“Shouldn’t even be called a Mini anymore, it should be a Maxi,” continues my sister
“I could totally pull off a Maxi,” grins my brother.
I haven’t been paying attention so reply with “You could borrow my Maxi dress if you want,” because crossing dressing is a definite possibly of conversation for us.
“You know what is worse than a drunk 15 year old??” I asked after watching some drunk people in the mud.
“A drunk 45 year old,” simultaneously replied my brother and sister.
“You know it took me 45 minutes to do a 15 minutes car journey-” my brother starts.
“How, WHY??” my sister interrupts.
“Your girlfriend?” I fill in
“How on earth do you know his girlfriend is the reason he took 45 minutes to do a journey?” my sister asks disgruntled.
“The only person he would go the wrong way for to avoid an argument, is for the person he is going to have sex with after the 45 minute drive,” I reply as a matter of fact.
“I thought he would have just ignored the sat nav” my sister says pulling a face.
“Definite possibility, since I don’t get to have sex with it,” my brother finishes.
“Oh I meant to tell you, James T. Kirk’s dad is Thor.” I say all excited.
“Really?” Inquired my brother.
“Yep and his mum is Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time” I nod.
“No wonder Kirk is awesome.” My brother grins.
“Are you two having a conversation like the one you had when you saw Captain America and you said the Dream Lord was in it and spent the rest of the film speculating why he was in World War 2 with the bad guy rather than watching the film?” asks my sister.
My sister sulks “See in the real world I would be considered cooler than you two, in our family I’m the freak for not getting this.”
(Chris Hemsworth play George Kirk in Star Trek and Thor, Jennifer Morrison plays Winona Kirk in Star Trek and Emma Swan, Toby Jones play the Dream Lord in Doctor who and Arnim Zola in Captain America; me and my brother merge an actors characters all the time make watching things much more interesting.)
“Noooooooooo” my brother hisses.
My sister and I turn“What?”
“He has dropped he food on the ground and he is picking it up grass, mud and all he is going to eat it!”
“I totally get that” my sister states.
My Brother completely disgusted ,“You are telling me that you are that desperate to save money that you would pick up a couple of quids worth of food out of the mud rather than waste it?”
“No but she is desperate enough after spending 45 minutes in this queue, very hungry ,to not waste the time she spent waiting.” I say.
“Yep, basically anything to not have to queue again.” My sister smiles.
I bumped into someone today who once told me I was the type of person who would always believe the grass is greener on the other side. I don’t think this person ever really understood me. I remember sighing at them and saying it wasn’t that I thought the grass would greener, just that I was tired of sitting on short well kept grass and that I wanted to lie in the tall wild unkempt grass instead. I like change, I like the new and I am always looking for something more; that doesn’t mean I’m looking for something better, I’m looking for something different. I move on a lot and I believe that life and identity is something of constant transition and change. No matter how much someone may try and stay still, the world marches on and you can either stumble long with it or embrace it and skip to the beat. I have chosen to change schools, hobbies, favourite things, jobs because the world changes, life changes and I change too.
I have never believed that the grass was going to be greener on the other side; I’m just in search of different grass. Grass that might have taller daisies or smaller daisies, grass that has sunshine dandelions, grass that maybe has some lucky clover. I don’t think that the grass will be a better shade of jade or more luxurious, it’s just that maybe I don’t want to play with Buttercups anymore, maybe I want to make daisy chains or search for a four leaf clover.
I think no matter where your patch of grass is who and what you love doesn’t change, your passion and pleasure stay mostly the same and your nature at heart is fairly constant. Those things close to your heart make the grass green. I don’t think how green the grass is has much to do with where your grass is, it about how well you choose maintain the grass you are lying in, even brown and brittle grass can be lush and green when watered and tended to. I think if you want green grass, water the grass you have, if you want something different go in search of it, but you have to look after the grass no matter where you are.
I suppose I could just plant daisies and clover and dandelions and buttercups, but I have a feeling some miserable sod has labelled them as weeds and the packet seed would be hard to come across.
I have not spent all my down time in the last couple of days reading missed WordPress post from the last 3 weeks, nope, definitely not
I’m currently seeing this guy and why this may not be a very big deal to me it is to everyone around me apparently. When it comes to my relationships I tend to keep things to myself, it is my business and I like to keep my family and friends well out of it. I mean if I have no idea what is going on, why would I let anyone else have an idea of what may or may not going on? This time however he is a friend of my sisters and the best friend of my cousin so they know and now everyone else knows. No chance of playing my cards close to my chest as everyone finally has a chance to be involved in my relationship.
I used to think as I got older I would have more of an idea about romantic relationships. I don’t. I don’t think relationships are ever simple, there is just a whole new range of issues and problems, and I think love, at least Hollywood, novel, fairytale love is an unrealistic goal. I just don’t think it is out there. None the less, I like dating, I like people, I like being appreciated, I like knowing I make someone happy, I like caring about someone, and I like having someone special.
My usual problem with relationships is I like space, lots of space. This really puts people on edge, they begin to think I don’t like them or I’m not interested. It’s not that I’m not interested, if I wasn’t interested why would I spend time with someone in the first place. I just don’t need a text every five minutes or a phone call, funny enough I haven’t done anything in that short period of time to talk about. I’m also not going to change all my plans to see someone, I have other friends and other commitments that I need to attend to, I will not drop everything, I had a life before I was dating and I’ll have one after. I’m like this, I like my world and sometimes I like to be alone in it, sometimes with friends and family, or working but I will always make time and room for someone. If someone doesn’t like this or wants me to change, I don’t think I am the girl for them.
For once my space issues are not the problem. This is something of a breakthrough considering I’m seeing a guy who texts me every morning at 7am before my alarm goes off. This is every day, very early and I don’t mind, sometimes I take a while to text back but I always do. I have either matured or I quite like this guy. He is also really lovely, which sounds really underwhelming but he is. He is delightful and sweet and really seems to like me. My problem is we are running out of things to talk about, really there is very little left for us to discuss. We don’t have a huge amount in common and I’m beginning to think that there is little point pursuing a relationship when we don’t have any conversation.
No matter how much you enjoy someone’s company and affection surely without conversation there is no future? Is it pointless to continue a relationship with no future, or is it okay to stay in it when you like someone and they like you and just letting the relationship runs its course?
This photo pretty much sums up my holiday: sun, laziness, beer and aesthetically pleasing things. The only productive things I did on my holiday were learn to sail and read 5 books (both of which I actually quite proud of J ). Sailing was horrifyingly simple and I have no idea why I have spent the first 22 years of my life watching other people sail. I am by no means a great sailor, I’m not making plans to go and become a pirate queen somewhere but I know my way around a boat now, which must come in useful at some point… right??
I have finally got around to reading the Hunger Games Trilogy which means that I have spent the last couple of days since I got back explaining what happens to people who have no interest in making the effort to read the book or watch the film because they are tired of feeling out of the loop. It is a really odd series to explain, there is Panem, the Capital, the districts, the Hunger Games, a Quarter Quell, then there are the relationships and people, and then after all that you have to tell people what happens and you just end up with them staring at you appalled. I also read The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes (awesome book) and the first book in the Mistborn series The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson, which a friend of mine was badgering me to read at uni and I finally got around to it (impressive book).
So far coming back off holiday has sucked, massively, which really isn’t that remarkable. Weather in Britain is actually awful, rain and wind and cold. It has been miserable and completely removed from the hot temperatures I enjoyed. Work has been incredibly dull, and well it’s work, I actually have to function rather than roll out of bed, put on sun cream and position myself with a book in the sun. People at work actually expect me to be congenial and productive, not hide behind a book or sail. O and my boss still has a better tan than me which is just massively rude!!
The only plus side is coming back to WordPress, but even that has a down side as I am massively paranoid that someone will have written something amazing and I’ll have missed it. If you have, can you just tell me in the comments okay?? I would really appreciate it.