To Err is Human

A person is born and then they die and in between a lot of mistakes are made, an awful lot of mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and how we form good judgement, (which, quite likely we will go and ignore anyway). Mistakes often form more of us than our successes and mistakes show us what the right decision and course is.

I don’t think a person should be judged by their mistakes, because everyone makes them and a life that is full of should, could and might hasn’t lived. What matters is what a person does after their mistake; the mark of a good person is their action after the error. Sometimes we make a wrong judgement and sometimes it is a blunder or a simple slip-up, it happens we’re human it is only a terrible thing if we let it be.

Just because someone messes up doesn’t mean that things cannot be changed for the better, for example I made a terrible error in my dance exam. I couldn’t change my mistake, all I could do was determine if I was going to give up or resolve to finish performing with everything I had and make-up for the fault. The problem is it is often much easier to give up, do nothing or blame some else when mistakes happen and things go wrong, it is always harder to try and fix something. We are faced with the decisions to run from or learn from things every day, it is only when we chose to learn or fix something that good will come from it. I ended up trying harder in my exam than perhaps I may have done had I not made the mistake, I ended up with highest honours.

In the end the sun will rise and the sun will set no matter what mistake I make, but after all that, it is down to you to decide if the mistake will remain a blunder or fault. As with everything it is down to me to decide how things will turn out for good or for bad, it is down to me to turn a decision into the correct path or an error. As with most decisions and paths, a mistake has the potential to change a life.

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Thankful for Geeky Friends

I am never, NEVER, going to agree to pick up someone’s work load when they are not at work, ever again!! I have got to that point of sleep deprived/work over load/ stress mess that it’s not that I don’t know which way to turn, it’s that I don’t even know which way to think. I know that it is appreciated (sort of) but it has been so tiring the last few weeks that all I want to do is spend the weekend in bed with my laptop, but I can’t I’m baby watching and working thing-y-ing (on a weekend, it’s criminal) and oh yeah I have a dance exam and show case to participate in.

Is adult life always this hectic? Where the do you put a social life in all this chaos, actually scrap the social life where do you put sleep?

The only thing that has got me through the last few week s is my university friend from Scotland! We met in the first year and lived together in our final year. We bonded over shared nerdery (is that a word, oh well I’ll make it one) of film and books and comics. We would spend hours with hot drinks and cakes, geeking out over Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes and Philosophy. We would discuss and argue over the TV we had watched, fandoms and life. Between the two of us we created a world that was filled with just wonderful things we loved. Together we held two Harry Potter Christmas feasts, we discussed which Jane Austen man we loved most and there flaws, we made plans to build time machines. She has strong political ideals and a belief in always being true to one’s self and convictions. She is the woman I desperately strive to be with her fierce passion, excessive compassion and appreciative eye. She is also an incredible talented woman running her own shop on Esty continuing to make wonderful things.

She was in London for the Marxism Festival and while there was doing some sightseeing with her family. She took some grainy and simply awesome photos and tagged me in them so I could appreciate and geek out over them. These photos had the ability to make me smile and remind me that I need to call her so I can release my inner nerd to someone who will embrace it and enjoy it. I also really, really, need to tell her I finished the novel MistBorn even through that was ages ago as it was she who first introduced me to the series. She’ll be so pleased and it will be something else for us to indulge our inner geek over.

 

“All our dreams can come true” or what Disnay taught me

I’ve always had a soft spot for Disney, one of my earliest memories is me and my brother arguing over Aurora dress colour at the end of Sleeping Beauty. I not a huge fan the Disney Princess thing; I was always more of a Jungle Book, Lion King, Lady and the Tramp and everything Pixar sort of girl. Now I’m older, despite the problems I have with Disney, I find the films undeniably beautiful, I went to watch the Lion King in 3D and found that as a child I had missed how visually stunning it was.

Like I said I have problems with Disney, as a child I always felt they had ruined many of my favourite stories and fairytales by not being faithful to the original material I was familiar with. Nor I could ever really relate to Princess who all seemed desperate to find love and be swept off their feet. Then I got older and found a whole new set of issues (got to love age and cynicism.) There is however a couple of things I learnt from Disney.

  1. If nothing else I have learnt that love is important and that it comes in all shapes

    This was on my 10th Birthday cake I had in America, I have kept this plastic decoration all these years as I can’t bear to let it go.

    andsizes. Lilo and Stitch has a small and broken family but it’s “still good” and Belle only has a father. I watched parents do anything for their children; it helped me understand my own. I watched friends in Disney help each other, I watched lovers heart-break and then rejuvenate with a kiss. Love and relationships are pivotal in Disney, because it is the thing that gives us most joy in life, our family and our friends make us happy but it’s more than that love is also about the sacrifices you make for the people who mean the most. The older you get the less you take love for granted.

  2. From the moment Mufasa died it dawned on me: Life is hard. None of the characters in Disney have it easy, Cinderella, Hercules, Pocahontas, their lives are difficult, they are faced with arduous decisions and challenges while trying to do the right thing and make their lives better. Disney has the lives of their characters change and often it is beyond their control and they are simply trying to do their best and keep their head above water. The older I get the more I understand this feeling and how much harder it can become.
  3. Hope is a very powerful thing, it is the only thing that can defeat pain. Hope is everywhere in Disney:  101 Dalmatians, Fox and the Hound, Aladdin, the characters and the audience never gives up hope for a happy ending. Hope is the thing that characters hold on to when all else is lost, it is part of them that never dies, the last candle in the darkness. The older we get the harder it is to keep the hope while in life I’ve learnt that the candle doesn’t always stay lit; Disney does a pretty good job of showing how significant it is in life. H.O.P.E : Hold On, Pain Ends.
  4. There is such thing as magic, the world pretty awesome place and if you take the time to see it ,magic is alive and well and if not…. your toys come to life when you leave the room. It is also in our dreams and wishes, Snow White wishes in a well, Geppetto on a star and Peter Pan fills Wendy’s dreams, these are thing that these character hold on to and fuel their life. They are a source of amazing strength and that is magic.
  5. The greatest thing I have learnt from Disney is that you are your own hero, you can save yourself. The characters fight and despite all the Princess having Princes they do a pretty good job at fighting for themselves. They fight for what they want, they fight to have their wishes and dreams and to protect their hopes and the people they love. Love is important so fight for it, life is hard so fight for the life you want, hope is important so fight not to lose it, fight to keep the magic in your life. Simple.

The thing about growing up is that things become less black and white and become more about different shades of grey. Disney may not be the shinning white sceptical I remember it being, but that doesn’t tarnish the lessons I’ve leant. Mainly everyone can exist, the good and the bad, but you have to fight to live the life you will be proud of, you will have to believe in yourself even when others don’t and you have to dare to dream and go after that light no matter how dark it gets.

The Disney Princess at their film ages by Taijavigilia

Like Chalk and cheese that come in the same pod.

The differences between my elder brother, younger sister and I starts with our looks, while we share the same blue, grey eyes our features bear no resemblance. My siblings have striking Mediterranean feel about their looks, dark hair, dark skin, while I have more of an English rose thing going on with pale skin and blonde hair. They’re small, I’m big, my brother looks like my dad, my sister like my mum and I’m apparently a throwback to past generations.

The variations continue with our passions, personalities, ideals and dreams, my siblings and I are as diverse as biology can get. There is however an undeniable resemblance between us, our mannerisms mirrors each other, we are all odd and we think on the same wave length. We can tell what another will say or think or do before it has even occurred to our siblings. This leads to weird conversations, especially when we are at a music festival and spend an hour (not an exaggeration, I timed it) waiting for food. Here are some bits you probably understand because I swear the rest was just gobbledee guck.

“The new Mini Cooper doesn’t even look mini anymore it’s huge” my sister the car expert begins.

“Yeah the designers were determined to destroy the original design and point of being mini,” replies my brother.

“Shouldn’t even be called a Mini anymore, it should be a Maxi,” continues my sister

“I could totally pull off a Maxi,” grins my brother.

I haven’t been paying attention so reply with “You could borrow my Maxi dress if you want,” because crossing dressing is a definite possibly of conversation for us.

 

“You know what is worse than a drunk 15 year old??” I asked after watching some drunk people in the mud.

“A drunk 45 year old,” simultaneously replied my brother and sister.

 

“You know it took me 45 minutes to do a 15 minutes car journey-” my brother starts.

“How, WHY??” my sister interrupts.

“Your girlfriend?” I fill in

“Yeah”

“How on earth do you know his girlfriend is the reason he took 45 minutes to do a journey?” my sister asks disgruntled.

“The only person he would go the wrong way for to avoid an argument, is for the person he is going to have sex with after the 45 minute drive,” I reply as a matter of fact.

“I thought he would have just ignored the sat nav” my sister says pulling a face.

“Definite possibility, since I don’t get to have sex with it,” my brother finishes.

 

“Oh I meant to tell you, James T. Kirk’s dad is Thor.” I say all excited.

“Really?” Inquired my brother.

“Yep and his mum is Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time” I nod.

“No wonder Kirk is awesome.” My brother grins.

“Are you two having a conversation like the one you had when you saw Captain America and you said the Dream Lord was in it and spent the rest of the film speculating why he was in World War 2 with the bad guy rather than watching the film?”  asks my sister.

“Yeah”

My sister sulks “See in the real world I would be considered cooler than you two, in our family I’m the freak for not getting this.”

(Chris Hemsworth play George Kirk in Star Trek and Thor, Jennifer Morrison plays Winona Kirk in Star Trek and Emma Swan,  Toby Jones play the Dream Lord in Doctor who and Arnim Zola in Captain America; me and my brother merge an actors characters all the time make watching things much more interesting.)

 

“Noooooooooo” my brother hisses.

My sister and I turn“What?”

“He has dropped he food on the ground and he is picking it up grass, mud and all he is going to eat it!”

“I totally get that” my sister states.

My Brother completely disgusted ,“You are telling me that you are that desperate to save money that you would pick up a couple of quids worth of food out of the mud rather than waste it?”

“No but she is desperate enough after spending 45 minutes in this queue, very hungry ,to not waste the time she spent waiting.” I say.

“Yep, basically anything to not have to queue again.” My sister smiles.

Missing words

I have not spent all my down time in the last couple of days reading missed WordPress post from the last 3 weeks, nope, definitely not :/

I’m currently seeing this guy and why this may not be a very big deal to me it is to everyone around me apparently. When it comes to my relationships I tend to keep things to myself, it is my business and I like to keep my family and friends well out of it. I mean if I have no idea what is going on, why would I let anyone else have an idea of what may or may not going on? This time however he is a friend of my sisters and the best friend of my cousin so they know and now everyone else knows. No chance of playing my cards close to my chest as everyone finally has a chance to be involved in my relationship.

I used to think as I got older I would have more of an idea about romantic relationships. I don’t. I don’t think relationships are ever simple, there is just a whole new range of issues and problems, and I think love, at least Hollywood, novel, fairytale love is an unrealistic goal. I just don’t think it is out there. None the less, I like dating, I like people, I like being appreciated, I like knowing I make someone happy, I like caring about someone, and I like having someone special.

My usual problem with relationships is I like space, lots of space. This really puts people on edge, they begin to think I don’t like them or I’m not interested. It’s not that I’m not interested, if I wasn’t interested why would I spend time with someone in the first place. I just don’t need a text every five minutes or a phone call, funny enough I haven’t done anything in that short period of time to talk about. I’m also not going to change all my plans to see someone, I have other friends and other commitments that I need to attend to, I will not drop everything, I had a life before I was dating and I’ll have one after. I’m like this, I like my world and sometimes I like to be alone in it, sometimes with friends and family, or working but I will always make time and room for someone. If someone doesn’t like this or wants me to change, I don’t think I am the girl for them.

For once my space issues are not the problem. This is something of a breakthrough considering I’m seeing a guy who texts me every morning at 7am before my alarm goes off. This is every day, very early and I don’t mind, sometimes I take a while to text back but I always do. I have either matured or I quite like this guy. He is also really lovely, which sounds really underwhelming but he is. He is delightful and sweet and really seems to like me. My problem is we are running out of things to talk about, really there is very little left for us to discuss. We don’t have a huge amount in common and I’m beginning to think that there is little point pursuing a relationship when we don’t have any conversation.

No matter how much you enjoy someone’s company and affection surely without conversation there is no future? Is it pointless to continue a relationship with no future, or is it okay to stay in it when you like someone and they like you and just letting the relationship runs its course?

An Old friend in London Town

What I’ll remember most about yesterday was the soaring temperature, the dry air and sticky skin, fidgeting and grinning from overwhelming excitement and anticipation and the shear relief of hearing an almost lost voice and having a hug I have missed. The last time I was in London was a little under a year ago and last time I saw Kat was a little over 2 years and 2 weeks ago. I love both immensely, for wildly different reasons but I don’t see either as much as I would like.

Kat was my roommate while I was studying in America, I hadn’t shared a room since I was eight and despised the idea of having no solitary escape. Kat made having a roommate not only bearable but a wonderful part of my experience in America. She made what had been a sparse and gloomy room, home by filling it with trinkets, colour, noise and friendship. When I finally returned to Britain and my own room, I felt like someone had ripped away part of my being, she had been such a big part of my life it was odd to now have a life and a room without her.

I can’t remember ever really doing the tourist thing in London but who could say no to that chance and seeing an old friend?? London has never disappointed me but to look at everything through the eyes of a traveller was incredible. No one cares that it is over crowed, with people rushing or the expense; we were idle and easy going, swapping stories, answering question (seriously who knew I could regurgitate so much crap about the Royals) and filling her in on a whistle stop tour of London and Britain’s culture and quirks.

We started at London Bridge before following the South Bank of the Thames to the Globe. I love it at the Globe there is so much history there and the white round architecture always amuses me. We than went next door to the Tate, which I have to say is an extraordinarily ugly building considering it houses some beautiful art work. Yesterday they also had a BBQ outside, expensive but good. We followed the burger with a walk across the Millennium Bridge (the one that gets destroyed in the Harry Potter films) to S. Pauls on the opposite side of the river. This is a stunning building and the  gardens at the beginning of summer smell fantastic. We strolled up The Mall to Buckingham Palace and down The Mall to Trafalgar Square where we people watched whilst discussing education, politics, art, music and sports just like when we were hiding in our room pretending to work.  We found time to squeeze in a visit to  St. James Park, Piccadilly Circus before it got dark and we arrived in Leicester Square  it got dark and finally we ate at a proper English pub (or at least as proper as it gets in London).

I loved every moment of it even when my camera died, particularly that I was acting like a complete  tourist. When I go to London I go to shop, to the theatre or an exhibition, for work, I don’t see London, it’s just another city. I adored yesterday because I felt like I was seeing bits I had missed and because I was with amazing people. I was with Kat and in a prolonged moment of a day, doing all those things was so much better. So here is the upside to being a bit older, I can afford to go to London and buy my friend dinner. I can spend the day doing nothing and it be a wonderful guilty pleasure because I can drop everything and still go to work the next day. I’m now old enough to have a friend from years ago who lives in a different country and maintain it.   

Where I am the best version of me.

Is there a place where you feel like a different person, or perhaps where you feel like a superior or ultimate version of yourself? Somewhere that brings out your greatest aspects, diminishes you faults, somewhere where you excel. Mine is my old university town. I have yet to find anywhere that can make me feel safe and peaceful; it is where I formed some of great ideas about literature, art, friends and life. Aberystwyth in Wales lives in its own dazzling bubble, with little crime, vice or evil one can quite happy forget there is a big bad world beyond it boarders. It was a place where I could just be, just live and be happy.

I went through a lot of pain there but I never felt isolated or lonely. It wasn’t just the incredible people I met there, the place itself stood by my side, it laughed with me, stood close by me when I cried in the dark and stopped the world to comfort me. I miss it, I miss the people I love so much I cling to them as though I’m afraid they are a wonderful dream that will slip through my fingers. I miss the person I was there, the better, smarter, prettier and happier person. I miss the conversations about politics, books, comics, films, music, love, passion and life. I wondered if it was just me who had a place like this? Or does everyone have a place where they are the person they could be?   

Tumbling Pretties