Holiday time :)

Passport, passport…….. Where’s my passport?

Can I fit an extra pair of shoes in my case, I’ve got room, but it is already kind of heavy, I only need 3 pairs right?

Why does my suitcase look empty, I’m fairly sure my packing skills aren’t that good so why is there so much room? I’ve forgotten something haven’t I? I have no idea what I’ve forgotten to pack, damn, O I’m not unpacking and checking. Nope I’m not, I had better unpack and check.

Have I got enough sun cream? Have I got enough insect repellent? Do I need a bigger jacket for the plane? Four books is enough for 10 days right? I’m not going to finish them all?

Need to put a bathing costume in my carry on just in case my suit case gets lost.

Where the hell is my passport?

I’m going on holiday, and I am horribly excited even if I do have to have these irritating thoughts running through my head. Actually the thought about the passport I really need to start listening to because I’m leaving this afternoon. Leaving the UK for a better climate is also pointless at the moment because the fabulous weather we have been having, still I’m excited.  I’m going somewhere completely new.

I haven’t been able to go one holiday in ages, my job keeps getting in the way, I had to be a grown up and put that first. I had to cancel one to Florida last minute, I was so upset.  It much easier when I was young, my mum always knew where my passport was, we would go in the school holidays so there was no conflict, and a parent booked it easy.

I love travelling and going on holidays (I even like airports), I love ending up somewhere new and interesting. I love not knowing exactly what I’m going to get where I get there or what I’ll do. It’s opportunity to explore somewhere new and leave your old world behind for a little bit. So happy right now, or would be if I could find my bloody passport.

So I’m on vacation for the 10 days, I’ll you guys when I get back.

It’s good to get lost once in a while

No one likes to get lost, that’s why we have maps, sat navs and 5 year plans. Getting lost is unnerving and frightening; it puts us face to face with the unknown, the unpredictable and unsettles us. Everyone likes to be in control and it is comfortable to always know who and where you are. The thing about getting utterly lost however is that we can learn valuable lessons and occasionally it does us some good. Getting lost can be a wonderful experience.

There are some places where it is good to get lost, the best example of this is Venice. The only way to truly experience this labyrinth is to throw your map into the Grand Canel and go for a wander. Get lost among the ancient street and find all the riches that are hidden in this city. I think to truly know the rhythm of a city you have to get lost in it. Paris will always be a mystery until you found that one cafe tucked away down a forgotten street that you and you alone adore. One of the things that is on that list of things in my head I have to do is get lost in New York just for a little bit and watch the city rush by in all its vivid colour.

There are the times you get lost by accident, lost in listening to music that sings to your heart and in art that speaks to your soul. Everyone at some point has stared into space and meander through thoughts, lost, roaming over hundreds of ideas as the world has just slipped away. You can get lost in your own excitement and interest reminding you what it is like to be truly passionate about something. Then there are moments, moments when the world stops, you become lost in an instant that lasts an age, it fills you up completely and removes you from time and space, and you vanish from the earth.

Getting lost is about gaining a new perspective, strolling off the beaten track and finding your own individual way in the world, to look through your own fresh eyes and not through the used eyes of hundreds of people before you. Getting lost means you can find something new, something unique, it’s how you find that beach with no one on it, that shop with the amazing nik naks, that place with the chef who creates the best food and that view that you don’t need a photo of because it shines brilliantly in your mind.

The really good thing about getting lost is not just losing yourself in something because of your zeal, but just losing yourself completely no matter how terrifying or daunting that is, because losing yourself means you can find yourself. How are you meant to know who you really are until you lose everything you think you are? Sometimes you simply, for the briefest of occasions, have to lose yourself and for a scary time not know who you are, to then find that fantastic thing that is the authentic you.

Maps are great and plans are excellent, the problem is they don’t help us when there is an obstacle in our way. They don’t teach us not to panic when we are lost or come up against the unexpected, that sometimes you have to embrace the unknown, navigate the unpredictable, to throw away agony and just see what is around the corner. Plans and maps don’t change but people do and it is people who have to alter the maps and the plans. If you don’t get lost once in a while how will you ever know where you really want to go?    All things lost on my Tumbling Pretties

The Roads and Paths of Life

A familiar road

A familiar road

“Not all those who wander are lost;”~ Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

I am totally lost, really really lost. I am not evening wandering anymore, I’m not going straight, I’m not even moving, I have hesitated and I have stopped. My life has stalled and I feel so misplaced like I’m a thousand miles from where I should be. It’s not the first time I’ve lost my way, but I’m tired of having to find myself, I’m exhausted and I still have to find out where I am and where I am going. I’m terrified that it will take me such long time to recover from this state, that one day I’m gonna wake up and be another year older but be 3 more steps behind, still not on the right path, not travelling the right road.

Don’t misunderstand me I’m still making memories, still doing what I love and laughing, still being me or at least what I can be while I’m lost. It just that I’m not travelling, I’m not moving forward. There is no universal template, no directions, no signs to follow; we are all going our own way, each path is individual, sometimes there are others with us, travelling parallel, but it’s still our own road, making our solitary way. At the crossroad how do you decide which way to go, which is right, which is easiest, which is most rewarding or most challenging?? Which path is happiness, which is what you want, which is what you need??

Can you follow every whim your heart and mind has?? You can’t go in every direction; you have to choose one, not always knowing if it is correct and not knowing where it is heading exactly or where you’ll travel through. For that matter does it matter which path you tread?? All Roads end the same as long as you’re content does it matter how you get there, does it matter if there are roads not taken??

Who are these people who seem to have maps?? Or are they bluffing and just have enough drive to charge ahead in life. They just hurtle down the road seeming to know that if they go straight, don’t turn around and don’t be indecisive that it is the accurate path. How do they find the strength to do this?? Am I just weak, or is it that others and I have just lost sight of where the path is and where is should be going?? What about finding the courage to change course, to know you are going the wrong way?? How brave do you have to be to do this, to change your direction?? When you have been travelling a path for most of your life, to keep your eyes open and not be afraid to recognise that this isn’t what you want and you’ll have to go a different way or worse turn around and go back. Is it okay as long as you keep moving??

I’m not travelling, I’m not achieving anything; I’m not discovering who I am or becoming who I am meant to be. I’m not even really looking for an answer, I just want to figure it out, so I can keep going because I’m really excited about life and about all the roads and paths I’m going to take. It would be nice however to have a little guidance or reassurance that I am heading in the right direction.

Or is that secretly the point, that when what matters is the journey not the destination being a little uncertain is okay. You don’t always have to be on the right track, knowing exactly where you are going. Being lost is okay as long as you keep going on a path, your path, content to travel that road.

More of life’s paths here